Chickytavaland

The End. For Real.

2007-07-28T09:12:00.000-07:00

Karaoke party last night. I dressed as Debbie Gibson/Tiffany with shorter hair.

Do you ever have those mornings where you wake up cringing because you might have acted like an idiot the night before? Today was one of those days.

No time to write anything, but I think the pictures speak for themselves.

Bye, Tucson!!!

Mexico & Margaritas Before Moving On

2007-07-26T22:21:00.001-07:00

Katie & Jordy know how much I love Mexico so they took me south of the border this evening for a farewell dinner at La Roca, my favorite restaurant in Nogales.

Here's a photo blog of our evening:

Katie prepares to cross the border for the first time...

It was, in fact, a successful crossing...

... what with the one Mexican cop on duty who barely glanced at us.

I do love mariachis...

... and I thought this was sort of a romantic picture in an Ernest Hemingway, American abroad kind of way. Or not.

This is definitely an American abroad kind of shot...

You've got to love a sombrero.

As you can see, we browsed around a little before dinner. I love the knick knackery of Mexico!

I wanted Katie to buy the large plastic pig with the purse. The grim reapers in the back were pretty killer too... no pun intended... ha ha!

Once we arrived at La Roca, I took a bunch of pictures to be reminded of its cool decor:

The exterior courtyard...

The steps up to the cave restaurant...

The blue & orange main dining room...

And here we are after our meal (J = beef chimichangas, K & me = enchiladas, All of us = strong margaritas)...

We shared a flan for dessert...

I'm a huge custard fan, even if some people think it's slimy, like Jordy.

Before we left, I even took photos in the "damas" room...

... AKA women's bathroom... because the decor was so great.

Katie also appreciated the leather armchair provided for lady guests...

Afterwards, I wanted to get a street scene shot with K & J on the way back to the car...

This is a view of Nogales, Mexico from the U.S. side of the border...

Here was a view of the mountains on the drive back home...

Ahhhh, so pretty.

I will miss this place and everybody here who's made it what it is. You all know who you are.

And I think that's it.

I might have a chance for one last post tomorrow before the movers come to take my stuff (sometime between 1-5 pm), but I'm not sure if I'll have time or not.

Assuming I won't... Goodbye, my faithful readers!!!!!!

The kid I babysit told me last week in the swimming pool that I "looked like Fraulein Maria" (my hair was wet and looking rather like a Julie Andrews hair helmet at the time) so this seemed a fitting "adieu, adieu to you and you and you..."

PS -- If you're so inclined, check back here periodically. If I decide to start a new blog, I'll put the new address up here.

My Car Tires Are Getting Poked More Than I Am

2007-07-25T22:07:00.001-07:00

For the first time in a while, I'm a little stumped about what to write this evening.

The problem is... almost nothing has happened to me in the past 24 hours aside from my usual routine, and I've already written about that around 5,000 times in the past month.

Oh, wait! I know! I got another giant nail in my tire today!

I actually heard it clickety-clacking last night on the way to Gerry's, and I thought it was a crappy station wagon* driving next to me until it passed me...

...and then I realized I was the one driving the shit car because the noise didn't go away.

So as I was leaving babysitting today, it was making this clackity noise out the driver's window. I pulled over on a side street to do a quick inspection, and what do I find? A giant spike in my rear left tire. At first I thought it was a rock so I started to pull it out, only to realize that under the "rock" (which was actually a round metal spike top), a giant nail was implanted in my tire.

This marks Round Three at Discount Tire of Tucson in the past year (if you're really dying to hear about my last tire dilemma, click here). Thank god I got smart and got a warranty because I've gotten my last two tire replacements free. That place is starting to become my second home. Also thank god I had Harry Potter with me at the time so I had a way to occupy myself for 90 minutes.

Anyway, this is something I will not miss about Tucson... shitty gravel alleys and dirty roads.

This tire destruction is getting old.
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* -- And yes, I believe it was a Plymouth Volare wagon (as seen in the picture), which reminded me of my high school friend, Heather K., whose parents lovingly bestowed one upon her in our teen years. It only had an AM radio so we would jam out to Christian rock and organ music whenever she drove. One time we crashed it into the molding on the side of her house's garage door, and we super glued the wood back, hoping her parents wouldn't notice. Unfortunately for her, I think they did. Also, our friend Brian threw up one night in the back seat after too many beers. That car was a real keeper!

Rainbows Aren't Just for Gays

2007-07-24T21:17:00.000-07:00

I refuse to get schmaltzy this week, even with Chickytavaland's existence drawing to a close. I don't do schmaltz very well... it always seems fake and overdramatic to me.

I thought about writing some "why Tucson has been so fun and great" kind of blog entry or "what I've learned in grad school and/or from my friends" sort of piece (which actually would say something like... "it is possible to drink and go out four or five nights a week and still graduate with a 4.0"), but I think I just can't bring myself to do it. Not only is it too much work to write something semi-serious, but it seems a little cheesy.

That said, I must include this final schmaltzy inclusion in my blog:

I saw the most magnificent rainbow I believe I've ever seen tonight...

It was a full rainbow that arched all the way across Tucson.

Although the pictures don't do it justice, the rainbow was so bright you could see every single color clearly, and there was even a double rainbow for a while!

I was on my way over to Gerry's house for dinner when I first saw it, and I was so amazed that I drove back home to get my camera just to take these pictures...

You can see the color a little better here.

I don't remember ever seeing the sky look like that on the East coast. Actually, I don't remember seeing much of the sky there, period.

That is something I will really miss about Arizona.

My Last Monday in Tucson

2007-07-23T19:49:00.000-07:00

My time in Tucson is drawing to a close.

Yep... my computer will be packed up this Friday (when the movers come to collect my stuff), and the blog will die... at least until I determine if I'll have time to do one in DC.

I don't have much to report today except the usual... babysat, went to the gym, read Harry Potter, and dismantled my bicycle to box it up for shipping.

Tonight, I'm going to one last 80s Night at Club Congress with my friends (thanks to the Sandstorm for arranging it!!!)...

My favorite night out in Tucson.

And on a totally unrelated note, don't believe that JC Penney is going to the birds. Ingrid showed me some cute clothes that she bought there last week so I ventured over there this past weekend and found these two pairs of shoes...

I figured they would go with my work clothes, which I've totally forgotten about in storage.

I guess I'll be needing those soon. Sigh.

Karaoke Queens

2007-07-22T21:59:00.000-07:00

Look at my new desk (and chair, courtesy of Shauna)...

Crafty, eh?

This is what happens when you sell your furniture before you move.

In other news, I had a good weekend.

Although I did not see the shemale again (thus thwarting my chance to befriend him/her), I did meet my long-lost friend, Suzanne, out for a drink last Friday night.

I knew her 10 years ago when we were both in an Air Force training program. I was 23 and she was 30, and I remember thinking at the time that she was "really old." Anyway, she lives in Tucson now (and is moving to DC the week after me... so I can see her again there!), and we reconnected after all these years.

Of course, I forgot to take a picture of us (and my old pics are all in storage), but she looks great, and she reminded me of many stories I wish I had forgotten... namely, she was with me when I totalled my Jeep in 1997 at Big Bend National Park and had to be rescued by a bunch of deer hunters who brought us back to our campsite on a bed of dried corn... but that's a story for another day.

Then last evening, Ingrid hosted a girl's night chocolate fondue and karaoke "pre-party" for the big final event next Friday night. I didn't realize I was such a karaoke whore. God, I love that machine. I found that my voice is most similar to Pat Benatar, Patsy Cline, Nancy Sinatra, and Blondie. I also do a mean Cockney accent on any Madness tune. So I'm ready for next weekend.

Also in attendance... Iva...

...AKA "Madame Roxette"

Anna G...

... AKA "The Dixie Chick"

Plus The Moos ("Miss Kris Kross") and Katie ("Lady Wilson Phillips")...

As an added bonus, here's a sampling of Ingrid ("Wasted & Gay George Michael") singing Faith...

What stage presence!!!

Harry Potter Mania!

2007-07-21T18:01:00.000-07:00

I was really trying to wait until I got back to DC to purchase my new Harry Potter book (one less piece of crap to deal with in this tiny, half-packed hellhole apartment and one less thing to weigh down my poor old Accord in the mountains), but as I may have mentioned before, I am not always the best at resisting temptation.

So here it is... MY copy of the last Harry Potter book...

Yes, I tried to recreate Harry's pose.

*** Non-Harry Potter fans (heathens that you are)... my apologies in advance as the rest of this blog may bore/baffle you because you don't know the characters about which I write, but tough crap, you should have read the books by now.***

I should mention here that my 36-year old brother has been calling me on a daily basis over the last few days to give me his take on what he thought was going to happen at the end of the book.

His prediction (and I don't know if he's right since I haven't even opened my copy yet)... Snape & Pettigrew will help Harry kill Voldemort, and Harry will become the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwart's.

The nerd (that is, my brother) actually attended one of those all night Harry Potter parties last night to get his copy (I will accede that he does have a 5-year old daughter who he brought with him, giving a little more legitimacy to his attendance at such an event), and then he called me today to tell me he finished the whole book already. Apparently he read from 1-3 am last night and then woke up at 7 am and read all day without stopping until he finished around 5 pm.

He also informed me that at the most recent HP movie (I think it's Order of the Phoenix?), he sat near an older woman who had costumed herself to look exactly like Delores Umbridge, which he found very amusing.

Indeed, there are few things I appreciate more than adults festooning themselves in costumes from a children's book...

See here: Subject # 1...

Wanna-Be Hufflepuff

Dweebs in a mall...

... with the bonus addition of some poor giant-like human transformed into Hagrid.

Quidditch rocks!!!!!

You know this guy lives for Renaissance Festivals.

Is this an Allman Brothers band member?...

... or Hermione circa 1972?

Neeeeerrrrdddd...

... with a light saber. Wrong series, man!

And this priceless video catch is my favorite...

Sorry, but I have to ask... are they a special needs group?

I think it's fair to say that Harry Potter knows no boundaries.

Packing & Pool Time

2007-07-19T19:24:00.000-07:00

Do you want to know what's great about moving? Nothing.

Look at my apartment as of today:

Just look at this mess!!!

Boxes to be shipped via freight...

Bike box, newspaper for wrapping, half-packed container, and stuff for Goodwill in my back hallway...

Half packed boxes in the middle of my living room...

Extra boxes next to my front door...

And moving crap all over my counter...

And in order to get rid of some extra food & cooking stuff in my cabinets & fridge, I went on a cooking binge (for me, anyway)...

First, banana bread:

Then, oatmeal raisin cookies:

Now I have to pack the bakeware. Sigh...

In order to escape my own chaos, I headed to the pool this afternoon, where I saw four people I know. Yet oddly, none of them saw me. I guess they didn't recognize me wearing my swim cap and goggles. Even waving didn't work. Or... maybe I was secretly wearing an invisibility cloak (YES, I'M GETTING PSYCHED FOR HARRY POTTER!!!).

My swim was great though... it was one of those days where I felt really fast and just glided through the water with little effort.

Unfortunately, however, I was in a lane next to the shallow end of the pool, which I try to avoid because it's right next to the area where they teach swim lessons to small children. And of course all I can think about is the amount of urine being produced by the little ragamuffins who are swimming just feet away from where my mouth is plunging.

Plus, tonight, in the lap lane on the other side of me, there was a shemale (you may pronounce it to rhyme with tamale if you want). Its face and upper body was clearly a man, but he/she was wearing a female bathing suit and swim cap, and I noticed a pair of women's shiny silver flip flops next to his/her kickboard at the end of the lane.

I kept trying to figure it out with sideways glances under the water (i.e.: could I see boobage or dick bulge?), but the only thing I chanced to see was a very male looking nipple accidentally sticking out the side of the suit, and then I felt a little pervy because even though it definitely seemed to be a guy, the nip was popping out of a girl's suit. So it was sort of like checking out a chick boob, which isn't really my bag.

But yes...

... it was almost this obvious.

My Friend Lizzy, Modern Day Saint

2007-07-18T14:11:00.000-07:00

While I'm fucking around babysitting, taking photos of dumb statues on campus, planning karaoke parties, and drinking aimlessly at Plush, my friend Lizzy is saving the world. Really.

I met Lizzy in DC in 2001, right after she got back from a backpacking trip around Thailand. She and I were in a close group of friends who used to meet every Monday night for "Ladies Night Billiards" at Bedrock Billiards in DC.

Lizzy has always had an altruistic streak, working for NGOs, volunteering in the Peace Corps, and managing an inner city computer center (which is what she was doing when I met her).

After Hurricane Katrina, she moved to New Orleans to help out and ended up founding the St. Bernard Project to help rebuild homes for the poor...

AND... drum roll... it was just featured on CNN's Anderson Cooper 360 this past week!!! Holy shit!

Check out my wonderful friend, Liz, and her boyfriend, Zack, on CNN... she even gets a live interview with Anderson at the end of it!!!! Watch how calm and articulate she is -- I'd be a bumbling wreck...

Funny thing is that Lizzy and Zack first got together at my 29th birthday party in DC several years ago! So I take partial credit for their union...

Here are a few more funny memories I have with Lizzy:

A little tipsy with other friends during New Year's in Key West...

Hanging out with our friends in the house we rented there...

Peeking in the showers at Key West's best restaurant...

Excuse my ridiculous antics, please.

And very hungover the day after New Year's...

... but at least we were on the beach!

Here we are camping in northern Maryland...

Paola didn't seem to have any problems with her kebab, but Lizzy and I just couldn't get ours to cook (thus the nonplussed facial expressions).

I think she finally got it cooked here...

Even if she'd probably kill me if she knew I was posting this picture.

Anyway, just wanted to brag about a great woman doing great things.

I'm proud to call her my friend.

Lamest Element of the UA Campus

2007-07-17T21:42:00.000-07:00

Even though it was 105 degrees today, this morning I rode my bike to the house where I babysit.*

I usually take a short-cut through the UA campus, and as I ride up University Boulevard, I have to pass this statue in front of the UA basketball stadium...

I think it's the world's dumbest design...

I mean, is that wildcat actually lending a hand to the other one?

Really, I hate that statue. It's so fake. I'd rather have Wildcats fighting or pouncing or roaring or even pooping for that matter.
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*I'm not completely insane, it's just that I had no car this morning because I dropped off my old Honda at the shop last night for a tune-up before I drive across the country in two weeks, and thus I did not have it at my disposal this morning.

The Stuff Nightmares Are Made Of...

2007-07-16T15:52:00.000-07:00

Last night, I woke up around 3 am to go to the bathroom.

I half remember groggily coming back to my futon and looking forward to falling back to sleep, when I felt my foot kick over the nearly full glass of water that I'd left on the floor.

I had one of those "oh shit!" reactions because there was a large (and full) moving box next to the spilled water that started getting wet. I immediately pushed the box about a foot away, over a small ledge that it had been half resting on into my kitchen. I grabbed a nearby dish towel and bent over in the dark to sop up the water so it wouldn't spread any further.

In the very dim light of the early morning, I noticed a strange, long, little rectangular shape laying near the water where the box had been. For a second I thought it was a strip of cardboard that had come loose, and I started to move to pick it up but upon getting closer and squinting (I wasn't wearing my glasses), I noticed that it looked a little bit like a dead animal. Or at least I was pretty sure that I'd seen legs.

At that point, I was wide awake.

I ran to turn on the light and, half-shrieking, I discovered that the little rectangle was indeed a deceased critter... a baby lizard to be exact. And he was rather shriveled and dry looking, like he'd been there for a while.

I apologize now for not taking a photo of the event, but I wasn't really thinking about my blog right then.

Instead, as has always been my fear ever since my dogs killed a groundhog when I was a young teenager and my parents made me bury it (and I felt its dead weight on the end of the shovel, which completely skeeved me out), I am totally repulsed by the disposing of dead animals.

Therefore, I grabbed about six paper towels and folded them up in a thick bunch, grabbed the lizard (which honestly did look almost like jerky because he was so dried out) and then sprinted to my kitchen garbage can, where I tossed him into it with a spastic fling of the wrist. (Frankly, I would have liked to pitch him in the dumpster outside, but common sense... and a lazy streak... dictated that I should not go into an alley at that time of night.)

Somehow I actually did get back to sleep but not without pondering for a bit about how the lizard got there and died in the first place. I concluded that he must have crawled under the tipped up box while seeking a cave-like atmosphere and then got trapped and couldn't get back out (God forbid I pinned him under there accidentally and squashed him... that is so gross).

And of course, now I am wondering how many more lizards are running around, unseen by me, in my apartment, especially at night.

Then again, I could have been these people and found a dead lizard in my Slushie...

Oh hell! I hope the lizard didn't pour out of my water cup! I hadn't thought about that.

The bottom line is this... after my run-in with the massive roach/beetle character in my bathroom two weeks ago and now the discovery of a dead lizard right next to my bed, I am pretty convinced that Tucson during the summer time is downright scary.

Never mind the scorching weather. It's the wildlife that is driving me out of here. (No pun intended).

A Super Saucy Saturday

2007-07-15T12:32:00.001-07:00

I must say that this past Saturday was one of the more colorful days/nights in my life.

I woke up with a bit of a hangover from a tapas dinner party I attended at B & A's Friday night (A -- congrats on passing your thesis defense again, BTW!)... I didn't even drink that much, but I'd brought some Turning Leaf Sauvignon Blanc that gave me the worst headache I've had in a long time...

Buyer, be warned.

After moping around my place for a while in the morning, I called Ingrid to see if she wanted to go with me to investigate karaoke rentals at the "Chicago Music Store" downtown.

Luckily, she agreed to accompany me, and we ventured into the most chaotic, seemingly unorganized, and cluttered shop I've ever seen in my life...

This was the view down one of the alleyways of musical equipment.

After playing around for nearly an hour with the DJ equipment, pianos, synthesizers, and gawking at the pimped out purple & gold plated mariachi accordions, we found a great deal on a karaoke machine rental that has 5,000 songs on a built-in hard drive.

I made Ingrid (who is far more tech savvy than I) check out the musical choices on the hard drive from the store owner's "office." (FYI: his computer password is "asshole")

Look at this guy's nook...

You would appreciate it much more if you saw it juxtaposed amidst the entire store, which contains about 4,000 square feet of this tornado-like debris.

As we were paying at the front of the shop, this guy walked in with his baby bulldog...

Holy shit, how cute are the dog sunglasses (called "Doggles")?

I also commented to Ingrid that the above duo was total proof that dogs and owners do in fact often look alike. I think she responded with something like, "You're terrible." Oh, come on!

After hitting the gym and relaxing a bit at home that evening, my friend Iva text messaged me around 11pm to see if I wanted to meet out for a drink at Plush.

Normally, I might have said no because I was tired and still mildly hungover. But seeing as I only have two weekends left in Tucson (sad face), I figured I should take advantage of one of my last Saturday nights.

And, as is usually the case, the nights that you least expect to be great, turn out to be your best nights.

Long story short... we met these two guys at Plush. One of them (B.) had just graduated from UA. He looked, seriously, exactly like a young Andy Dick...

While he was seemingly heterosexual, he was there with his flamboyantly gay best friend, Ivan, who was visiting Tucson from Las Vegas, where he works as a sales assistant at Escada in Caesar's Palace.

While Iva paired off with B., I spent most of my night learning about gay life in Vegas from a highly entertaining member of its society.

We closed down Plush (recommendation: get an "oatmeal cookie" cocktail next time you're there). Then Iva and B. wanted to get coffee. Although I thought perhaps I should call it a night -- it was around 2:30am by this point -- I rallied my last drops of energy, and we walked about 1/2 mile to The Grill on Congress.

As I was waiting in line for the bathroom, I was pulled into conversation by a booth of three beef-cakey military officers who are special ops survival training instructors at Fort Huachuca.

It's times like these when it is beneficial to have been in the military before... because although they initially tried to convince me that they were not in the military, they started throwing out acronyms that I immediately recognized. So I called them out on it. I love the element of surprise.

Furthermore, judging by the fact that they were leeching onto anyone in a skirt who walked by their table during the time we were all there, it was pretty clear that these guys were positively desperate for a late-night hook-up. (Not really surprising considering the fact that they just came out of weeks of desert survival training.)

Their general horniness was made even clearer when they left their table around 3:30am and loitered outside for a while, peering back through the front window at Iva for at least five minutes and basically freaking her out. Soon, we received a message from our waitress that "the gentlemen outside wanted to buy the ladies some dessert." I told our guy friends that they apparently were not considered any sort of threat.

In response, super gay Ivan said he was ready to kick some ass. Then he giggled and corrected that to "get some ass."

We all went ahead and ordered a piece of chocolate cake to share (I mean, why not?) and about five more minutes later, our waitress delivered this to our table...

Seemingly harmless, no?

Until we opened it and found this inside...

If that's not a proposition, I don't know what is.

Ivan said he wondered what they would do if he showed up. Then he wondered if they were all sharing a room. Then the conversation took a rather dirty turn that I won't repeat here.

Needless to say, Jake didn't get lucky last night.

Kate Bush... Almost a Bollywood Star

2007-07-12T20:43:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, I spent a good part of my day at Bookman's used bookstore.

I had a bunch of books I wanted to get rid of (read: not pay to ship to DC) and thought I'd see if I could pawn them off elsewhere. The good news is that they took several of them, and I ended up with a $12 book credit or a $6 multimedia credit. Not bad for some of the crapbag books I brought in (i.e.: James Frey's phony memoir, courtesy actually of Paola, and which I initially enjoyed until I found out it was all fake).

I decided against getting more books, as I was trying to get rid of too many in the first place (I know, I know, you can never have too many books... right, Greg?... but they're heavy) so I decided to check out the "multimedia" section.

First, I found Seasons One and Two of Arrested Development, but together they cost about $50, and let's face it, I'm a part-time babysitter, and money doesn't grow on trees.

So instead I dug around the CD area, where I found a hidden gem... Kate Bush's The Dreaming album from 1982...

Lately I've been on a big Kate Bush kick so I was really excited to find it. It has two of my favorite KB songs too... "There Goes a Tenner" and "Suspended in Gaffa."

I have to credit my friend Vicky H. (from high school) for introducing me to Kate Bush... because she was another artist we used to sit around listening to, along with the Les Miserables soundtrack, which I forgot to mention last week.

Anyway, I love love love the new CD. And I love Kate Bush's voice. Which really was the main point of this blog post...

And --- when I looked up some KB videos on You Tube, I discovered what freak show productions she used to make. Although one might already surmise from her music that she is slightly off-center, her videos prove that she has very little self-restraint and appears to bask in the overdramatic. Which is, of course, why I love her.

This is my favorite bizarro video...

...made even better by the fact that the song is called "Wuthering Heights" and features lyrics all about the characters in the book... which fits the theme of my summer Victorian reading spree.

Moreover, I also decided that Kate Bush is the British equivalent of all those Bollywood Indian women singers who belt out tunes about five octaves above the pitch of the highest soprano.

Personally, I've always liked the sound of those female Indian singers (although I do find it slightly bizarre that one country can produce that many women with voices that sound like they've been created with helium... but then again, India has like a gazillion people, right?) even though many of my fellow Americans loathe that piercing sound (take my friend, Aspen, for instance, who actually walked out of a theater in Mumbai -- dragging me with her -- before intermission because she couldn't handle the women's glass shattering voices. I'm guessing she probably hates Kate Bush too).

As a case in point, I found this clip from the Indian movie, Arpan...

... whose red-robed lady singer not only sounds a lot like Kate Bush, but she looks almost the same as her in the "Wuthering Heights" video too (minus the creepy, touchy stalker with feathered hair, of course).

Maybe it's an acquired taste. The music, that is. Not the creepy, touchy stalker.

A Life To Be Jealous Of... Yeah, Not Mine

2007-07-11T16:45:00.000-07:00

I have three things to write about today:

1. First... one more babysitting story (sorry, but it's all I've got going for me right now):

In contrast to the perfect little K. who I wrote about yesterday, the 4-year old girl who I normally babysit (M.) continues to be, well, not always so tactful or sweet. When I arrived this morning, she ran to show me some photos of herself that were taken yesterday at a photo studio. As I was looking at them and appropriately "oohing" and "ahhhing" at how cute she looked, she grabbed them out of my hand and said, "Stop talking! I don't like your voice."

Isn't that precious?

Later on, when we were swimming in the pool, she was pretending to be a mermaid, and I decided to become a shark and attack her feet. She screamed at me, "You're not allowed to be a shark!" And I said, "Well, if you get to be what you want to be, then I can be what I want to be. And I want to be a shark." She then got out of the pool and said she'd wait until her mom got home because "she plays mermaid better than you do."

When I recounted this story later to Miguel on the telephone, he responded with something like, "You know, it's good to know you're working on those important job skills in preparation for your return to State. I'm sure your new boss will be seriously impressed with your summer resume."

Hell yeah!

2. This is why an ex-boyfriend from college called me "the absent-minded professor":

I was running a couple of errands two evenings ago. I needed to get some allergy medication because I'm, well, totally allergic to the state of Arizona. The pharmacy at Safeway has this non-prescription stuff that I like so I always go there to get it. Plus, Safeway is near the gym, where I also intended to go swim laps.

I debated on whether or not I should go to the gym first or Safeway first, but then I decided I'd rather go to Safeway before getting in the pool so that I wasn't a hideous, chlorinated, dry-skinned, uncombed, dampened goblin at the grocery store.

After I picked up my allergy pills, I remembered that I needed some milk and cheese and salad and fruit. So I dropped them on the conveyor belt in line, and was in the midst of paying, when I remembered that I still had to go to the gym.

I looked at the clerk and said, "Oh, shit!"

I couldn't leave the stuff in my car for 45 minutes because, yeah, Arizona is like 105 degrees right now, and my car was about 135 inside. Another option would have been that I could have driven back across town to drop the stuff off at my apartment (OK, it's only like two miles, but still...) then go back again to the gym. And I didn't want to do that.

So I told the clerk to put all the refrigerated items in one or two bags, which he did.

I then drove the three blocks to the gym, parked my car, took my grocery bags of refrigerator items with me into the gym (God, I felt like such a cretin... and wouldn't you know it, there was a huge line to get in the rec center, and I was sure everyone was staring straight at me, wondering why in the hell I was hauling all of my Safeway groceries into the building), then I proceeded straight to the locker room, where I stuffed my cheese & milk into a locker... I figured it would at least be air conditioned there... and then swam my laps.

Other than feeling like a total ass (again) hauling my groceries out of the rec center, it all worked out. Or at least I haven't died of ptomaine poisoning yet, anyway.

3. Finally, what else I have been doing lately:

I have been trolling for moving boxes because I am too cheap/frugal/economically savvy to pay for cardboard. This means that I am constantly on the look out near dumpsters and recycling bins.

In fact, I saw a large box laying on the sidewalk the other day in front of Zachary's Pizza on 6th Street, and I immediately pulled my car into the parking lot, ran to the box and grabbed it. Turns out it was a UA petri dish shipping container (empty, thankfully), which is now filled with my shit to move cross-country.

Furthermore, I have already figured out the Target warehouse schedule, and I have become a bit of a Wild Oats delivery door groupie. Today, Scott (my Wild Oats warehouse manager buddy) even showed me photos on his cell phone of a trick he played on the general manager (covering his whole car in plastic wrap... haha! Hilarity!). Then he gave me about 15 high quality boxes and had some poor lackey tote them to my car for me.

Indeed, my madcap life is something to envy.

Maybe the Cutest Girl in the World

2007-07-10T19:30:00.000-07:00

I've decided that if I ever have a daughter, I want her to be just like the 3-year old I babysat for last week (and this afternoon... and next Sunday).

This is her...

Smart, creative, funny, nice, cute, outgoing, patient, considerate, loving, articulate, cuddly, sweet, goofy, never bratty, and quite possibly the world's most perfect little kid.

We have spent the past few days playing bird (see above... she was doing GOB's "cukuku" chicken dance), hiding from bears, collecting rocks outside, making up songs, pretending to have picnics, reading library books, inspecting my car (her idea), eating cucumber sandwiches, feeding dolls, and playing restaurant.

Here we were chasing each other around the house in our version of a parade...

... but she wouldn't slow down for a good photo.

This is kind of more what K. really looks like...

... even though she has a bit of a strained look because she was trying her best to show off her killer milk mustache in the midst of our dominoes session.

Me... lackluster about most children. K. ... not like most children.

I'm pretty sure I love her a little bit.

I Heart Tobias & Mrs. Featherbottom

2007-07-09T15:45:00.000-07:00

Back to the grindstone here... babysat this morning.

Washing my car and going to the gym this afternoon.

I probably should be packing up more sh*t in my apartment, but for some reason, this lackluster schedule of mine has actually left me with less energy than when I was crazy busy in school.

To keep myself occupied, I've been watching all of the episodes in the Arrested Development series. I am in love with that show. I can't believe they took it off the air! (This obviously says something about the stupid TV watchers in this country...)

I can't decide which I think is funnier: AD, Curb Your Enthusiasm, or The Office. They're all great in their own ways, and each has the ability to make me laugh out loud so I guess it's a three-way tie.

Tobias continues to be my favorite AD character. I just watched the episodes with "Mrs. Featherbottom," and I've decided she might be the funniest creation ever on television...

The Mrs. Doubtfire ruse, the fake nose falling off, the British words/accent ("how about a banger in the mouth?"/"I have jolly good news, gov'nah"), and the British Mini car driven on the wrong side of the road have literally had me cackling away in my apartment like some kind of hyena.

And nothing could beat this scene...

I think I rewound it at least five times.

Yes, I do have spare time on my hands, and yes, I really love Tobias.

Follow-up on Scariest Bug Ever Seen in Tucson

2007-07-08T10:29:00.000-07:00

First of all, I'd like to give credit to Brandon and Jon, resident Arizona entomologists, for correctly identifying that I did, in fact, find a "Palo Verde Beetle" in my sink... rather than a roach, even though it looked NOTHING like any beetle I've ever seen.

After a small bit of research, which led me to this web page, I recognized those barbed wire/yarn antennas and black spikes behind the head as those that I saw in my bathroom sink after my 4th of July revelry...

Finding this little monster in/near my apartment should not be surprising, as there are two Palo Verde trees in front of my living room window (apparently the bugs come out of burrowed holes around those trees in July).

However, I assure you, it was quite the surprise.

To quote the website:

"Newcomers to [Arizona] are sometimes horrified when they get their first glimpse of a huge bug that, for some, resembles a monstrous cockroach. Yes, this adult bug can be up to six inches long. Even worse--it flies."

Seriously, that creature is totally horrifying... and enormous (is that what she said?).

Plus I'm still not sure how it got in my bathroom.

In other news, I babysat a different little girl last week (cute pictures forthcoming), I'm getting a haircut today, I'm continuing to pack up my apartment, I'm going to the gym, I'm eating way too many "gordita" tortillas that I recently purchased from the Grande Tortilla Factory here in Tucson, I drank too much white wine with Katie last Friday night, I engaged in a Twin Peaks viewing and Citadels game-playing marathon yesterday at J & A's (where I was told I would make an excellent "Dungeons & Dragons" player due to my temporarily affected British character accent), and I'm loving the book Jane Eyre (from which I occasionally read dialog aloud by myself in my apartment in said British accent because I am, clearly, a monstrous nerd).

Tucson's Biggest Cockroach

2007-07-06T17:34:00.001-07:00

CONTINUED...

When I got home from the pool party, I had my wet towel in my hand so I immediately headed toward my bathroom so I could hang it on a hook to dry.

I turned on the light in my bathroom...

I saw movement in my sink...

And I screamed when I saw the largest roach I've ever seen in my life...

This is him...

Mind you, this photo was taken post-mortem so his legs were curled under his body, making him appear smaller. In life, he was a fucking monster.

Without a doubt, he was at least two inches in length and at least an inch wide. And his front antennae were so huge, they looked like pieces of barbed wire or yarn.

He was so humongous that he could not get down the drain when he saw me come in the room. (I am still trying to figure out how he got into the sink in the first place, as he was far too large to fit through any of the bathroom orifices, except maybe the shower drain, and then he had a long hike from the shower.*)

Needless to say, I was mildly hysterical. I had dropped my towel, run to my kitchen, and was jumping up and down trying to figure out what to do.

I will not lie when I say that this thought popped immediately in my head: "Oh my God, why don't I live with a man? If only a man were here."

My second thought was... no, I must kill him. I can do this.

My third thought was... should I crush him with a phone book? No. Too messy.

Final thought... use the can of Raid under the sink.

So I grabbed the can, took my place in the bathroom doorway (at least two feet away from the sink) and sprayed the crap out of him with a long and steady chemical stream.

I must have used a quarter of the bottle. The thing would not die.

Finally, he stopped running frantically in the basin and began slowing down. Then he began to atrophy a bit while his front legs quivered.

I let him writhe around for a good five minutes (alone) while I put my next plan into action... how to remove him from the sink.

There was no way I was going to use a Kleenex or paper towel -- I mean, what if he came back alive and tried to get out of my hand? Plus, I would be able to feel his disgusting legs and shell through the soft paper material.

Luckily, I had some styrofoam cups left over from my thesis defense snack tray so I grabbed two of those, and after ensuring the creature was no longer in any way still spasming, I scooped him (with great horror) from one cup into the other, where I immediately put the other cup on top of him -- again, in case he came back alive -- and ran, literally ran, to the garbage can in the alley, where I placed him and his cup coffin. (I wasn't about to risk putting him in any of my own garbage cans inside my home.)

And so this is how I ended the 4th of July.
_____________________________________________
* I guess my landlord wasn't kidding last summer when he sent all of his tenants this notice about sewer roach infestation.

A Night of Gladiator Jousting

2007-07-05T09:44:00.001-07:00

I spent yesterday afternoon drinking, eating, and jousting (hmmm, sounds a lot like "Medieval Times," doesn't it?)

After meeting Ingrid, Joe, and Jordy at the "The Greens" for a few hours for beer and ribs, I made my way over to Brandon & Andy's house for their 4th of July "American Gladiator" jousting tournament.

Here is a photographic sampling of the event:

Brandon vs. Erin (top woman gladiator)

Frankly, I hoped to earn that title for myself, but our mathematician friend Sooz (who stands nearly a foot shorter than myself -- which I mistakenly believed would give me the advantage of leverage) beat me after two ties and a win for each of us. So much for leverage... she knocked me over fair and square in our final fight.

This was the grand finale of the tournament...

Aleks vs. Boris (Aleks won after knocking Boris flat on his back onto the beam, which we all feared momentarily might paralyze him for life... especially after hearing the sound of bone crash onto the wood... CRACK!) Luckily, Boris was fine. Although he did lose the round, and Aleks was the named grand champion.

After enjoying homemade pit-smoked barbecue, it was time for another contest...

... the ice cream making championship!

Brandon's girlfriend made coffee ice cream and Alek's fiancee made praline ice cream. In order to determine the supreme chef, it came down to a taste test with the three judges above.

Kat won 2-1 for her coffee confectionery...

... and was presented by Andy with the trophy for 2007 Dessert Queen. (Nice cameo, Brandon... you look a little bit like a Peanuts character!)

And that was the night... until I came home and found an ugly surprise waiting for me...

TO BE CONTINUED...

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!

2007-07-04T12:03:00.000-07:00

Before I start swilling beer and jumping in swimming pools at parties, I thought I would say HAPPY BIRTHDAY, USA!!!

Here's a little clip that I like...

... not only because it doesn't include GW Bush...

But also because it reminds me of Jordy, who can actually name all of the US Presidents in order. (We tested him one night, and he's almost like an idiot savant with our country's leaders!)

Or then again, maybe he's just an outstanding patriot. Or a US history major. Either way, it's impressive.

Sweat It Up With Karaoke

2007-07-03T12:19:00.000-07:00

My life is kind of like Groundhog's Day right now. Except that today I'm not babysitting because the family is in Disneyland so I'm considering this unpaid vacation time.

I should mention that it's supposed to hit 114 degrees today. I gave up on riding my bike to work last week because on the one day I did ride, it was well over 100 degrees, I had completely sweat all the way through my clothes before 8 am, the baby recoiled from my sweaty limbs, and I decided I'm not quite that masochistic (toward either myself or small children).

This cartoon character scares me, actually.

Speaking of masochism, I still have not turned on my A/C once this summer. My swamp cooler actually does a pretty good job, and heat really doesn't bother me all that much, as long as I'm not in the sun. By 3 pm, my place does heat up a bit, but then I just go to the gym or the pool, and it's cooled off again by the time I get back.

Christ, I think I've been talking about the weather for two paragraphs now.

Let's move on to something more exciting... namely, my going away party...

Listen up, Tucsonians/Tucsonans/Tucsonites:

SAVE THIS DATE... FRIDAY, JULY 27.

Why, you ask?

It's my last Friday in Tucson, and I have already put money down to rent a KARAOKE MACHINE. Yes, a KARAOKE MACHINE from a DJ company here in Tucson. The party will take place in Ingrid's backyard and/or living room, and we will all drink lots of beer, wine, and cocktails and sing to our hearts' content.

Honestly, we can't be any worse than these people...

... and they got to sing in front of a whole soccer stadium!

I've Been Tagged!

2007-07-02T13:32:00.000-07:00

I've just been "tagged" by La-la-Laura (who I have now, finally, forgiven for calling me a witch), and since I have little else to write about today, I figured I'd take her up on the challenge... which is this:

The Rules are:

Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

------------------------------------------------------------------

1. I can think of a lot of "facts" about myself (many of which have been revealed over the past two years) but I have few habits... except right before I fall asleep. I always, always brush my teeth, I always take a vitamin, I always take my jewelry off, I always put on Labello lip balm, and I always have a glass of water next to my bed. I cannot fall asleep if any of the above has not been completed. I also must have coffee at some point within the hour after I wake up.

2. My favorite friend from high school is Vicky (who now goes by Victoria, even though I can't get used to saying that... maybe because it's my mom's name?).

I met her when we were in 6th grade gym class (1985!), and I remember noticing her because she had crimped hair (that was also long on one side and short on the other) and neon-glo jelly bracelets worn as earrings... a green one on one side and an orange on the other, and I thought that was hot shit. I liked her right away, even though I feared she was too cool for me (I mean, for God's sake, my mother was still buying me Carter's girls' underwear with cartoon characters on them).

We became great friends, even though we were both pretty bossy & opinionated and fought a lot because we each wanted to do things our own way and didn't want to follow the other.

I used to go to her house on weekends sometimes, and her family had 4 dogs & 2 cats -- all of which I was allergic to -- so they used to prepare a room for me to stay in that was pet-free, and I wouldn't leave the room except to get food and go to the bathroom, and we called it my "bubble," as though I were the Bubble Boy...

Anyway, we laid around and played Game of the States (for whatever reason we both loved that game... nerd vs. nerd, I guess) or Racko, and we listened to the Smiths and Yazoo and Erasure and Bread, and we made up games like "Who Will Die a Virgin?", and then we'd line up our friends' class pictures on a dart board and shoot darts at them to see who would die the virgin (it was always our friend Kerry, who has 2 kids now, BTW). And we had a million other games and private jokes, and I still think she's hilarious and can't wait to see her when I move back East!

3. I am right-handed, but I hula-hoop and snowboard like a lefty. I also aim a camera and a gun with my left eye, which I discovered during riflery class in junior high. Can you believe that shizz? Yep, one of my redneck school's gym class units was target shooting with BB guns. I had to hold the gun left handed in order to aim with my left eye, which was confusing for a righty, to say the least. And I'm not kidding... we really did have riflery class. We had to wear workshop goggles, and sometimes we even shot at targets inside the gym. I'm guessing they don't offer that anymore. You know, Columbine and all.

4. This hotel room in the resort town of Huatulco, Mexico was one of the most welcome sites of my life:

Miguel and I had stayed the week prior in a primitive beach bungalow in the tiny village of Mazunte (about an hour north along the southern Pacific coast of Mexico).

Although it was fantasy-like in appearance...

... it was infested with bats...

... and I caught a terrible stomach flu, leaving me heaving over the toilet in the bat-infested bathroom for hours at a time for two straight days. My worst nightmare... puking all day under fanged, furry, flying creatures.

We therefore decided to stay our last night at the fabulous little hotel pictured above (back in civilization) during our last evening in south Mexico. I slept like a baby that night in the air conditioning and have never been so happy to see modernities again, like clean sheets and running water. And no bats.

5. I have lived in Florida, Maryland, Virginia, Ohio, Texas, Turkey, Washington state, Saudi Arabia, Sicily, DC, and Arizona. I hate moving, but I also love moving.

6. My mom is an only child. My dad has two sisters, who each have two kids. So I only have four cousins. Two boys and two girls, with an age range from 28 to 40. They're all married. Two of them are younger than me. Three of the four have kids. Those three live in Ohio and Michigan. One of them is a singer in a band called Blue Dahlia (seen in concert a couple of years ago by Katie & Jordy in Michigan!) that was once featured on NPR. The one without kids lives in Denver near my brother...

This is him with his wife (and my mom, niece, and me a few years ago). He and his wife had an Ohio State football themed wedding and they danced to an Usher song that they choreographed. Seriously.

7. I once dated the brother of a famous movie star.

8. My newest favorite website is passiveaggressivenotes.com because it reminds me of my horrible Japanese roommate that I lived with for almost four years in northwest DC. She left me mean, bitchy notes constantly, even though I was the cleanest roommate in the house and did the most work to keep the place clean.

She also collected stuffed animals (prompting my mom to ask if an 8-year old was sleeping in the room next door to mine), ate raw seafood while watching TV (stinking up our entire house), and accused me of scratching her brand new BMW and stealing her wretched plum vinegar (neither of which I did). She was rude to my friends, would not address me in person... always by notes, and I'm pretty sure I never saw her smile. Not even once.

This is the only picture I have of that nutbag...

... and it's pretty fitting that she's portraying herself as a ghoul. (Miguel and I were Siegfried and Roy, in case you were wondering).

And if you want to know why I didn't move out, it's because the rent was unbelievably cheap, the house location was incredible, and she was often out of town.

Sweet Maria. I'm finished with this thing.

I don't really have 8 friends with blogs (that would do this anyway).

So I'll just pass it here:

1. Paola
2. JC
3. Jenn
4. Anna

I don't think Anna has updated her blog in about a month and a half, but maybe this will inspire you, AG???

Last Night With the Boff

2007-07-01T09:28:00.000-07:00

I was pretty busy Saturday afternoon.

First, I had an interview with a family who is hiring me to babysit their daughter next week (because my regular family sprung it on me last week that they were going to California for the 4th of July holiday, leaving me without an income or any other plan).

So I advertised myself on Craigslist and got a reply within an hour from a woman who needs babysitter coverage for her 3-year old daughter, K., who I met yesterday and just might be the cutest child on planet Earth. (And really, I don't like very many children... which makes babysitting so appropo for me... but hey, it pays well.)

Anyway, I think K. and I will get along just fine. She wasn't even a tiny bit bratty, she seemed really intelligent (ie: she pulled out an atlas to show me that Alabama has a tiny strip of water), and her parents were very cool -- the dad is a freelance journalist and the mom is a yoga teacher. Plus their house was painted in bright greens and reds and oranges, and they have chihuahuas, guinea pigs, and Madagascar hissing roaches (in an aquarium, thank god), which is an animal combination even I can appreciate.

I then went to a BBQ out in BFE (west Tucson) at my friend Brian's house...

Here's his daughter, Lorelei, who was turning two...

Then I headed back for "Dive Bar Night" with Ben, Ingrid, Gerry, and later, Christian.

Here is a portion of Ben's email invite for the evening:

Subject: Dive Bar Hopping to the Airport: Saturday at 6:00 pm

Text:
Also known as "try to see if you can get me drunk enough to throw up on the airplane or be labeled as a terrorist threat."

I'm going away for a month, so I want to hit every dive bar between my place and the airport. My flight is at 10:35 pm and I have to be there at 9:30 with a month's worth of luggage, my passport, etc.

In other words, the last time I'm going to see Ben while I'm still in Tucson... AKA "our last hoorah." So sad.

On the drive from west Tucson back into town, I was struck by the landscape...

I could have captured the view better if I'd actually stopped my car, but I think this more accurately shows the moment of pre-sunset on the mountains as I saw it from my car window.

This was my destination...

The dive bar known as "The Greens"... where I met I, G, and B.

I'd never been there before, but I think I'm going back soon with Ingrid & Gerry to sample some menu options...

... who knew that The Greens was Tucson's "wild game" specialist? And they have alligator and frog legs on Friday nights!

After a beer there, we moved on to my favorite bar of the night...

... which gives new meaning to the word "dive bar."

It was my favorite bar of the night for two reasons: 1) Free pool and 2) the jukebox featured a Patsy Cline best hits CD. I played four Patsy songs in a row.

Here's a sampling of our pool skills...

... we started off girls against guys, but Ingrid and I absolutely SUCK at pool, and we were obliterated by Ben & Gerry (ha! It always makes me laugh... Ben & Gerry). So Gerry and I formed a team to challenge Ben & Ingrid.

In what has to be the best picture of the night...

... Ben masculinely cheers for Ingrid, who actually made a shot.

Meanwhile, my game was still sucking...

... as is sort of demonstrated here.

Check out how hot Ingrid was last night!

I blamed this (soon-to-be) missed shot on Ingrid's non-prescription sunglasses...

Gerry definitely had the best pose though...

Nice cue stick, G.!

Gerry then peeled off to have dinner with his grandmother, who lives nearby.

And he was replaced by the German physicist/Vibe driver/Heineken swiller/nacho eating assistant... AKA Cott...

I didn't take pictures at the Palo Verde Grill because we were too busy stuffing our faces with bar food, but here we are the Airport Inn (API) having our last cocktail before Ben freaked out about possibly missing his flight and then rushing us out the door before I even had a chance to finish my White Russian. It broke my heart a little bit.

This is my last solo photo of Ben/the Boff...

... I'll be driving back East when he returns to Tucson.

And here's the last shot of the night...

... outside the Tucson International Airport bidding Ben a final farewell. And my heart broke a little bit again.

I have to add as a last note that my melancholy feelings quickly evaporated when I received a text message on my phone from Ben within the hour stating that the nachos he'd eaten at the Palo Verde Grill had caused him to lay a Nagasaki stink bomb on the entire gate area, and the vicinity around him had cleared completely of passengers within 25 feet in any direction from him, lest they be gassed again.

I'll miss you, Boff!

That Fetching Cat

2007-06-29T14:19:00.000-07:00

I am deathly allergic to cats so there's some irony in the fact that I am currently cat sitting two friends' felines (Turtle & Finn).

Plus the people I babysit own a cat named Savi that I have to see every day. To be honest, I secretly loathe her (and she not so secretly can't stand me since she hisses and tries to claw me every single time I walk by the little bitch.) And she leaves fur balls all over the house, which make me sneeze incessantly.

This is her...

Hell cat.

However, this is Shauna's cat, Finn...

... who has the same coloring, but he's way bigger with shorter hair, even if you can't tell in this picture.

And... he fetches. And he loves to eat and chase marshmallows. And he likes me.

So he was deserving of this video...

Note the cat teeth marks on the marshmallow when I hold it up! Haha.

Rat Farts, You Tube!

2007-06-28T23:34:00.000-07:00

I'm annoyed.

My blog entry today revolved around a video upload, and You Tube is down for site maintenance, it's 11:35pm, I have to wake up at 7am, and I am tired (literally) of waiting around for the site to work again.

Perhaps it's for the best, as I wanted to include another photo that I don't have yet but will get tomorrow while cat sitting.

I know the suspense is killing you...

PS - And since this blog entry is short and sweet (unlike my usual ramblings), I should break it to you now that this blog is going to die in a month. I leave for DC on July 28 and figure that's as good a time as any to end this written chapter of my life. Maybe I'll start another one with my DC activities... not sure yet if I'll have time... but perhaps I can be convinced by my five or six regular readers...

Vegas Recap... The Grand Finale

2007-06-27T13:54:00.001-07:00

In the last "Vegas Segment" of the week, I present you with the activities of Day 3, AKA Sunday, June 24...

Woke up late. Waited for Ingrid. Went downstairs. Met up with Pete. Waited for Krista and Ben. Sat around. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Finally found them.

Took photo on Fremont Street "The Vegas Experience" outside of Bunions...

... Oh wait, I mean "Binion's," where I won $66 the day before. (And really, it does seem appropriate that with my horrifically knobbly and bunionated feet, I was a winner at Binion's/Bunions).

We then found the $9.99 All You "Care To" Eat Paradise Buffet.

While Pete and Krista supped on cottage cheese, salad, and strawberries, Ingrid and I went crazy on the Mexican Pot Pie, Au Gratin Potatoes, Scrambled Eggs, Sausage and Bacon. I mean, if I want cottage cheese & salad, I can raid my own refrigerator... the Paradise Buffet (featuring a total of eight culinary stations, one of which was "The Pacific Rim") was something to overindulge and feast upon.

You will notice that I did not mention the Boff yet. This is because our dear friend Ben fell into a completely different category, never seen before even amongst the most enthusiastic of buffet hounds (judging by the looks he was given), better known as the All You "Can Creatively" Eat.

Allow me to show you a small sampling of Ben's (second or possibly third) platter...

This untouched pile of yellow and orange is what Ben described as "a homemade omelet." Despite the fact that there was a chef on the premises making custom-ordered omelets, Ben decided to do it his own way by taking a smattering of scrambled eggs, two greasy squares of colby cheese, a spoonful of salad bar bacon bits, and two tomato slices and piling them upon one another to form his "omelet." Appetizing, no?!?

And then he discovered the King Crab legs, which led to another debacle...

... especially with no crab claw mallet.

In order to crack open the pile of crab legs he had grabbed, Ben devised a system of hammering the shell with the end of his knife. Soon he was spraying crab meat all over the table, into our orange juices, and onto my arm and eyeglasses...

Look at the table. Just look at that!

This was his third plate of crab legs too. In the meantime, Ingrid and Krista escaped by going up to the room to pack their bags, Pete excused himself to take a dump (clearly the better option to watching Ben spray crab meat all over Vegas), and I -- faithful friend that I am -- got stuck alone watching Ben attack crab legs for another good 20 minutes. Indeed, it was quite the spectacle.

But alas, the party ended, and it was time to head home.

Ben couldn't fit all of his stuff into his suitcase because he was hauling so much of Ingrid's gear...

...so he had to carry his shoe.

Unfortunately we got assigned to "Seating Group C" at the airport before our Southwest flight back to Tucson. (FYI: Southwest does not give you an assigned seat... it's first come, first serve.) That meant that all the good seats would be snatched up by Groups A and B, and we'd probably each be stuck in center seats between strangers. Ben spotted a sweaty man weighing at least 300 pounds wearing a ragged tank top and immediately concluded that he would be his seat mate. I figured we would all suffer similar fates.

Not to mention, the A/C in the terminal was broken...

I was trying to show how hot the terminal was here, but all I have ended up conveying is that I am often a retard.

Luckily, however, the men standing next to us didn't think so... they were part of a group of about eight guys in their 40s who were flying back to Tucson from a "boys golf weekend" in Vegas. They had been drinking at the bar, when one of their friends (Bill) got a little tipsy. One of them got the bright idea to request a wheelchair for him... and a marvelous idea was born.

So here's Bill, the "handicapped passenger"...

He and his friends were all supposed to be in Group B.

HOWEVER... because he appeared "handicapped," he got to pre-board with one of his friends, and they saved seats for all of us.

This led to a series of hilarious conversations in the gate area, while we all waited to board:

1. Bill had to pee terribly but could not get up to go to the bathroom.

2. Bill wanted a "nurse" to care for him aboard the flight. I had to interview with him and I won the position (earning me a seat next to him on the flight and several free drink coupons).

3. When I asked his friend if he thought the gate agent was getting suspicious, his friend just looked at me and said, "Look, we're not rookies here. You don't fuck with the handicapped." (Good point, they could never accuse of him of faking being a cripple! The plan was fool-proof!)

4. When I was taking Bill's picture (above), his friends said, "Don't smile, you idiot... you're supposed to look dejected," at which point Bill stared at his knees for the rest of the time, which made me laugh even harder.

5. He was finally allowed to pre-board and got his first pick of seats, which sent a howl of laughter up from his other friends in the waiting area and about 10 other passengers who had caught on to the clever act.

6. Bill later informed me that he tried to grab an exit row, but due to his "disability," he was unable to meet the exit door requirements.

7. He bought me drinks and made me crack up the whole way back to Tucson. Meanwhile, Ingrid and Ben were several rows behind me with another of Bill's friends, who apparently was equally funny.

And that's it... a perfect ending to our Vegas weekend!

Vegas Recap... Part Two

2007-06-25T17:15:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday started off well...

Anna and I woke up at 9:30am and a half hour and several Ibuprofens later, we found ourselves getting a craps lesson in the Golden Nugget casino. If you've ever played craps before, you know how confusing it is when you don't know what you're doing.

I still don't profess to know what I'm doing, but I always play the pass line, I typically bet on "6" or "8" above the pass line, and I pray that someone is a good roller.

Luckily for me that morning, I happened to be the star roller at the table, even prompting the guy next to me (who described himself as an "addicted gambler") to place some bets for me with his own money. It's great to be female in Vegas. That's all I have to say about that.

Anyway, here I am after my first round of winning...

... wearing a bleach shirt hand-crafted for me by Ingrid, who had a matching top. And honestly, who cares if our birthdays were really last month?

To celebrate our good luck (Anna won some cash too!) we headed out to the hotel pool, which features a brand new $30 million SHARK TANK and WATER SLIDE that goes through the shark tank...

This is the end of the water slide, where it turns into a clear tube so you can see the sharks just before you get launched into the swimming pool. There were some big sharks in that tank too. I was impressed. (I also must mention that the man with his back to me on the lower right side of the photo was one of the cheesiest, skeeviest guys I have seen in a long time... he seriously hit on every single woman at the hotel -- clearly, we all rejected him carte blanche -- plus he reminded me of Stuttering John from the Howard Stern Show.)

Here we are sunbathing (or shade bathing so the case may be) in between water slide rides...

One older man at the pool insisted on saluting Ingrid every time he walked by.

Afterwards, we all hung out for a bit out on Fremont Street...

... which is where I won the rest of my craps money.

And then we returned to the Golden Nugget...

I was feeling pretty lucky by this point.

Before dinner, Ingrid, Anna, and I decided to head down to the real strip...

... where we got wine and cocktails at the Parasol Down Lounge at the Wynn Hotel, which was gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. We were looking out over a waterfall and a splashing lake here.

Dinner was not quite as classy...

... but far more Old Vegas awesome. Please check out the Peppermill. God, I love this place.

Ben & Krista fit right in...

... thank god for his model hot looks.

Ingrid, Anna, and Stirling had mega-drinks...

... or rather, the very SERIOUS signature drink of the Peppermill called "The Scorpion."

There are other Scorpion drinks out there on the market, but I can assure you that you've never had a real Scorpion till you've had the Peppermill's Scorpion. It consists of massive amounts of liquor, a ginormous straw, comes in a goblet the size of a basketball, and it only costs $18 (for what we figured is the equivalent of six drinks)... in other words, the best deal in Vegas.

Here I am sucking down the liquor with Pete...

Here's a better view of my new favorite alcoholic beverage...

... which we were all still drinking even after we moved to the Fireside Lounge, which you can see has a centerpiece of bubbling water and fire. Could there be any other reason why this lounge has been voted the U.S.'s #1 Make-Out Lounge by Nerve magazine?

Here's a view across the flames...

Ingrid looks like she's being singed. I thought that was kind of a cool special effect.

Here's a better shot sans the fire...

And on the other side of fire, Pete insisted on taking this photo...

... which he dubbed "total decadence."

And here's Pete with his ladies...

Krista and the Moos.

After determining that no one but Pete and I were able to finish our Scorpions, we hopped on the double decker Deuce shuttle bus to the Stratosphere, where Ingrid wanted to go to Polly Esther's for 80s dancing...

I must admit I was pretty sloshed after that unbelievably gigantic drink and decided to photograph the upper level of the bus and some of its passengers...

Here's Pete & Stirling (and a little of Krista) behind me...

And the best part of the ride... Ingrid totally lost her shit...

... she was literally crying from laughing so hard. Seems that in my drunkenness, despite a half empty bus, I parked myself in a seat way up front next to some random guy and his bachelor party friends. I think the Moos did the same thing. Ingrid loved it.

Once we got to Polly Esther's (free of charge, thanks to Ben's canoodling with a shady character on the strip that afternoon), the Moos and I posed for our requisite Brady family photo...

Wasn't that Alice's spot? I always kind of liked Peter until he got all trashy and lame on VH1's "Surreal Life" and married that faux model.

Anyway, I was three sheets to the wind for a good part of the night, especially after the Tom Cruise "Kokomo/Cocktail" bartender (who actually looked a lot like Max Headroom) flipped about 10 bottles of vodka into a drink he called the "Top Gun" for me.

Although I forgot to take pictures of any of us at the club actually dancing, I did get a shot of Ingrid & the Moos washing their hands at the full-service bathroom station, complete with attendants...

Clearly, I live a low-class lifestyle... getting excited enough about a full-service bathroom that I felt the need to take a picture.

I also took one last picture of the "free shots" moment at the bar...

... when half the 80s dance room ran up to the bartenders, who then poured tequila into their waiting mouths (Krista confessed later to being one of those people).

I, on the other hand, was feeling slightly nauseous from my "Scorpion" and "Top Gun" drinks and wanted nothing but water by that point. Not to mention, I questioned the sanitary conditions of drinking out of a random liquor bottle shared by what seemed to be hundreds of scabby Vegas goers.

And really, let's just be honest here, as you can see from the clientèle in the above photo, Polly Esther's is not exactly Tryst or Jet or Pure. It's pretty easy to make it past the velvet rope.

I pooped out around 2am. This old body just can't party like it used to... and as much as I love the 80s, the DJ was spinning way too much Beastie Boys and Bon Jovi for my taste (if it's not New Wave, I can't dance!!!).

On that sad note, I must be going... tomorrow is the last Vegas update (and will include details from perhaps the funniest airline flight I've ever taken).

Vegas Recap... Part One

2007-06-25T13:17:00.001-07:00

I took about a zillion pictures in Las Vegas. Too many for one blog post... So I'm breaking it up into three blog posts.

Here was Day One (last Friday night)...

Pre-partying at Moos's house...

Anna G., Moos, and me were all on the same evening flight.

We had a few drinks at the Tucson Airport then hopped on the plane.

Here's Moos in her seat next to me...

Lucky for Anna and me, she met this guy, Craig (who she kept calling Greg, which I found pretty hilarious at the time), across the aisle...

In typical Moos style, even though she didn't know his name after he told her five times, she still got him to buy all three of us drinks. We love our Moos.

This is what we looked like after about six alcoholic beverages...

Maybe I should drink before/during flying more often. I was having a lot of fun.

We all thought our flight attendant was pretty scary...

She's probably been featured in one of those "plastic surgery gone wrong" specials. Anna was calling her Michael Jackson.

Anyway, once we landed, we headed to our downtown hotel via a shuttle bus... "Thank you. And Good Luck." (That was our shuttle bus message, taped to the front of the bus. Moos turned around and wished all of our co-passengers good luck making it to their destinations.)

Our home away from home... the Golden Nugget!

Since we were the last of our friends to arrive, we had a party waiting for us at the Nugget...

The Boff & the Moos snuggling (I should mention that just prior to this photo, Ben decided to crap in our room after eating at a cheap buffet and stank it up so bad that we had to use his bathing suit to prop open our window and then move to HIS, Krista's, Ingrid's and Stirling's room next door because our's was so disgustingly polluted. I'm pretty sure he caused permanent damage to my olfactory system, as the stench was so horrendous that I honestly got the gag reflex -- like I did once changing a smelly diaper while babysitting.)

Anyway, after I recovered, Ingrid and I donned our Vegas-style sunglasses in the other room...

And Stirling modeled the lavender wig...

Pete is actually moving to Vegas in real life next week so he was there house hunting...

... and drinking with us.

THE BOFF IS HAWT!!!...

(Even if his insides are rotten.)

We went out to some downtown bars like the Griffin and the Beauty Bar...

Stirling & Anna hit the dance floor, while a guy who looked just like Richie Sambora DJ'ed some punk-hipster rock.

This Puerto Rican guy (a seriously drunk x-ray technician) muscled up to Anna on the dancefloor...

But he took it a step too far when the shirt came all the way off...

... at least for Anna.

Ben, however, took things to a whole new level...

... who knew he had so many pubes?!?

DOWNTOWN VEGAS ROCKS!!!...

I was pretty happy we were at the Nugget instead of the Goose.

At the end of the night, we ran into these crazy, wasted Mexicans while walking back to our hotel. They wanted photos with girls... so of course, Ben volunteered...

They commandeered me into this picture...

I think I'm in some gang photo here actually.

The guy on the right was soooooo drunk that he dived into a policeman on a bicycle right after this picture was taken...

He literally dove under the bike, fell on his face, and was bleeding before he ran away from the cop and an ambulance sitting on the corner.

However, the good news is that he gave me a $20 bill before he did that. Or actually, I should say that I refused to take it so Anna grabbed it and gave it to me later. I should also mention that I used it the next day to gamble and walked away with $86 (after winning another $34 earlier in the day) playing my favorite ever Vegas game, craps.

So thanks, Mexican gangster man!

More to come tomorrow...

OFF TO VEGAS!!!

2007-06-22T14:28:00.000-07:00

I'm off to Vegas tonight with the Tucson/San Fran Party Crew!!!

Here we are...

Krista, Super Anna G., The Moos, The Boff, Pete, Ingrid!, and Yours Truly. (No photo available of Stirling, who lives in Palo Alto... but rumor has it "she's a wild one.")

So think of us this weekend and the total debauchery that is soon to be had... VEGAS, HERE WE COME!!!

Some Insider Information...

2007-06-21T19:17:00.000-07:00

If you read the tabloids or entertainment news at all, you should be aware that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt (who always has terribly chapped lips by the way, which I find difficult to look at even if the rest of him is pretty darn attractive) are coming out with a new movie about Daniel Pearl and his wife.

Personally, I have no plans whatsoever to see it because it smacks of that schmaltzy, post-9/11 patriotism that annoys me. (Laura, is that witchy enough for you?)

But regardless... I saw an article on Yahoo news two days ago, entitled "Pearl Film Could Help State Bureau," and I did a double take.

Now, if you're too lazy to click the link and read the whole article, it basically says this:

"The State Department's little-known law enforcement and protection arm, eager to raise its profile, is trying to take advantage of the global buzz around Angelina Jolie's film about journalist Daniel Pearl's murder in Pakistan.

The State Department's Bureau of Diplomatic Security is trumpeting its role in the Pearl case ahead of the opening of "A Mighty Heart" on Friday.

DS, as it is known, focuses on the film's portrayal of Randall Bennett, a Diplomatic Security agent who was posted to Karachi, Pakistan, when the Wall Street Journal reporter was abducted there in 2002. Bennett played a key part in the hunt for Pearl's kidnappers and killers."

I couldn't believe what I was reading!

I worked for this mysterious bureau for almost four years as an analyst before I came back to grad school, and I (yes, me, your blogger) debriefed Randall Bennett when he came back to the US from Pakistan about three years ago (after the Daniel Pearl incident).

Here's Randall...

... well-known for always, and only, wearing all black. And he's very nice & polite.

Anyway, the last paragraph of the article reads:

"With Bennett's help, several men were arrested and convicted for Pearl's murder."

But here's something I (and soon to be you) know that the article didn't say...

Randall explained to me how they tracked these guys down (sorry, can't tell you that part), and how the Pakistani security services drove into a few of Karachi's worst neighborhoods in the middle of the night to find some of the guys who were involved in the kidnapping plot.

He told me that after they arrested about eight guys (each of whom ratted out the other, thus becoming successively more important in the hierarchy), they got to a real bad ass guy who had fought in Afghanistan and was scarred up and tough as nails.

Randall said the guy just refused to crack under interrogation. He said, "I just couldn't believe how long that guy lasted under interrogation."

And I said, "Ohhh, what did the Pakistanis do to him?"

And Randall said, "You don't want to know. Really. But this guy lasted an eternity in there before he finally told them anything. No one could believe how long he could take it."

And then I said, "Oh, did it last several days?"

And Randall looked at me incredulously and said, "No... he was in there about 20 minutes."

Oh.

What's That Little Bump On My Chest?

2007-06-20T22:06:00.000-07:00

I recently developed a strange little bump near my collar bone...

(Please gloss over the double chin action in this particular shot.)

Since I go to the pool a lot now and was a bit of a sun worshipper in my 20s, I was afraid I might have a cancerous growth.

After consulting the internet (my personal medical assistant), I diagnosed myself with some type of carcinoma that was malignant, but not likely to be deadly.

Then I called a real doctor.

I had my appointment today for a "total skin check-up" at the student health clinic, which meant that I had to don a hospital gown while a nurse practitioner (who apparently specializes in skin problems) proceeded to tell me that I have permanent skin damage to my chest and upper back due to past sun exposure. Oh, joy! However, she also told me that I am not at high risk for skin cancer because I am not a "moley" person (think Matt Damon skin), and I tan well.

When she got to my collar bone bump, she dismissed my cancer worries with a flick of her hand...

"Oh, that? That's not cancer. That's a wart."

Please allow me to re-enact the expression I believe I displayed at that moment:

"Say what?"

For about a tenth of a second, I actually thought a diagnosis of carcinoma might have been preferable.

I mean a wart is one of the grossest things I can imagine (and to prove my point, I dare you... dare you... to Google "wart" and then go to "images" -- and the first images to pop up will indeed indicate that warts are one of the most foul... yes, foul skin disfigurements, especially in certain areas of the body -- ahem -- which thankfully at least do not include the collar bone.)

And since I am on a webcam kick tonight, allow me to share what my face looked like when I made the horrible mistake of Googling "warts" under "images" this evening...

But back to the doctor's office now... so my next question was: "How do you get a wart on your chest?"

The nurse's response: "Don't even think about it."

OK, that didn't help me. That just made me think about it more. I couldn't let it go.

After she finished freezing it and giving me sun screen advice (ie: use it), I went back to the topic of: "How do you get a wart on your chest? Is it normal for people to get warts there? I've never heard of anyone with a wart there. Where could I have gotten this?"

Her response?: "Don't worry, it's not genital warts. It's just a standard wart."

No shit, Sherlock! Last time I looked, I didn't have any genitals on my shoulder. (And let's not picture this either, thanks.) But she still didn't answer my question... I mean, how do you get any kind of wart on your upper chest, for cripe's sake?

Bottom line: She had no answer except to say, "You can pick up a wart anywhere on any part of your skin."

So I have no answer.

Just a hideous wart on my collar bone (which hopefully will be gone in a week).

Caught from an unknown location and an unknown person.

And yes, I have officially grossed myself out.

Could the Cookies Be Helping Me Swim Faster?

2007-06-19T15:48:00.000-07:00

I guess riding my bike to work and going to the gym every day is paying off... I clocked my fastest mile swim time ever today at 32.5 minutes. Excellent.

Other than this, my days continue to follow the same script... babysitting, exercising, and laying around.

The only new addition to my rather boring world is the discovery of the world's most delightful cookie...

... which I found quite accidentally in the Mexican foods section.

A little bit of cinnamon, a lot of crunch, and a burst of sugary good flavor. I seriously recommend them.

Back to DC, Babysitting, and Blue Nails

2007-06-18T16:54:00.000-07:00

I have three agenda items today:

1. The State Department finally called me to set a start date, and the first day of my new job will be August 20.

This is perfect, really, because my lease ends on July 30. Then my mom is coming out the first week of August to drive back across the country with me. I think we're going to stop in Santa Fe and/or Taos, head up to Denver to stay with my brother's family, and then book it home (there's not much between Denver and Virginia, as I discovered two years ago).

To prove my point, here are some pictures Miguel and I took during the drive in 2005...

This is close to the town where I grew up in Maryland. (I told you it was in the sticks... Hey VM -- this is really close to your old house on Hawbottom Rd.!!!)

This is on the way to Oxford, Ohio...

... near where I went to college as an undergrad. Also in the sticks.

This is either in southern Illinois or in Missouri...

... yet another reason why I avoid the Midwest.

The Cracker Barrel is also evil...

... And Kansas just keeps going and going...

... and going and going and going...

Oh! I can't wait to do this drive again in August in my non-air conditioned 1988 Honda! Woo hoo!

2. On to the next topic... the 4-year old I babysit, AKA "M.," apparently hates me... as of today.

I showed up at their door this morning, and she came skulking up next to her dad and told him that not only did she hate me, but that she did not want to spend one minute with me today. Then she punched her dad in the chest when he got down to talk to her. As a result, she got sent to "time out," and after a mini-counseling session with her father, it was determined that "M. thinks you are strict and have too many rules."

My opinion? I think the sentence featuring the phrase "she punched her dad in the chest" should say it all.

Please let August arrive soon.

3. I am going to Vegas this coming weekend to have a belated birthday celebration with Ingrid and a bunch of our friends ...

In preparation for the big event, I decided to get a pedicure.

I had painted my own toenails about two weeks ago in an effort to save $$$, and I used a pearlescent copper color that I had received as a free gift from Lancome.

When I showed my nails to Ingrid last week, in hopes of receiving positive feedback, all I got was a scrunched up nose, a small grimace, and the comment: "It looks like a color my mom would use."* When I turned to Katie for back-up, she replied, "Well, it's a safe color."

After this complete demolition of my self-esteem, I decided that perhaps it was worth a small sum to achieve at least some level of youthful hipness.

So in a concerted effort to be non-mommish and to eschew all safety concerns, I got a little rebellious at the nail salon and picked this color...

"Greece Just Blue Me Away."

I'm feeling ready for Vegas now. Caesar's Palace, here I come!
____________________________________________
* Although it is unintentional, Ingrid has the ability to slice an ego to the core. Please refer to this blog entry to read about another slap she gave my self image a few months ago.

A Perfect Day for Swimming and Engaging Parties

2007-06-17T09:56:00.001-07:00

I had a busy afternoon/evening yesterday.

After lounging around my apartment in the morning, I went to the gym, raced home & showered, and drove over to Shauna's boyfriend's parents' house in order to attend a pool party in her honor.

She finally got her visa to Iran and leaves tomorrow to study for the rest of the summer... so it was a bit of a bon voyage celebration.

I wasn't sure if I was going to swim because I had to attend Alex & Anna's engagement BBQ a few hours after Shauna's party (and didn't really want to drive in the other direction back home to shower & change again), but in the end I couldn't resist taking a plunge. After all, it was 104 degrees here yesterday, and it felt just about exactly that hot.

We lounged around for a while and then engaged in a spirited game of water polo. Shauna and I were team captains, and I am proud to say that I picked the best team because we destroyed Shauna's team (which consisted of 2 girls, a 13-year old, and 2 grown men versus my team of 1 girl -- me -- and 4 grown men).

After the game, we chilled out in the shade...

This is the guest of honor, Shauna, and her friend Marissa, who she used to work with at the Mexican Tile Store. (BTW, I took three photos of them, and Marissa had her eyes closed in every single one, which she says is a common theme in her photographic life.)

Here is one of my teammates (Faran) with my former academic colleague, Rachael...

Faran just arrived here from Iran and barely speaks English, which explains why he didn't understand any of the directives I was giving him on the water polo field.

Here is Tamara (also from my department) and her husband, Keith...

And here is Faroz, Rouzbeh (Shauna's BF) and his little brother, Ramteen...

Ramteen was a very aggressive little water polo player. He attempted to distract me by screaming like a woman every time I tried to get the ball away from him. Too bad that lame tactic didn't work.

After hanging out for a while with the Persians and the other associated riff-raff (myself included), I decided to just change into the other clothes I'd brought with me and show up at Anna and Alex's house with a faint chlorine scent. Luckily, they never noticed, as I was smart enough to bring some lemon-ginger lotion with me to hide the smell of my recent pool activities.

Here's the happy couple... A & A...

Congratulations, you guys!!!!

Earlier in the evening, Anna's sister, her friend, Toia, and I had fun playing with Anna's pet tortoises on her patio...

This is Turbo at the water dish we forced upon him.

And here's Turbo's brother, Jet...

... who was clearly jetting off to nowhere, as he sat in this corner staring at the stucco wall for what seemed like an hour. We started to wonder if he was retarded. I even hung a leaf of lettuce on his head to get him to move, which didn't work.

Later on, a group of us (mostly Alex's friends... one of whom was a French bakery bread chef!... I harangued the poor man with about a million bread related questions) hung out chatting on the patio till nearly midnight... until a wolf spider jumped off the roof onto Alex's friend Josh, who jumped up so fast out of his chair I thought he was doing a dance move.

I determined then that it was a good time to go home.

And that was my day.

A Quiet Friday Night

2007-06-15T19:43:00.001-07:00

It's Friday night, and I have no plans.

So...

I'm making stationery...

Baking cornbread...

(Trader Joe's has the world's best cornbread mix!)

And watching "Arrested Development."

Tobias is my favorite character...

And GOB is a close runner-up.

Look Away, Dixieland!

2007-06-14T19:30:00.000-07:00

I have never, in any way, shape or form, ever considered myself a Southerner.

Yes, I was born in Florida and grew up in Maryland (a border state, yet south of the Mason-Dixon line) as well as Virginia... definitely anti-Yankee territory.

But my parents are total northerners, I never picked up any sort of southern drawl (although Miguel has pointed out to me numerous times over several years that I say the word "what?" as "whut?," which seems more hillbilly than cotillion-worthy), and I hardly relate to those Confederate flag waving lunatics in that hot and humid corner of our country known as the Deep South.

However... however... today as I was riding my bike home from babysitting, I found myself singing "Dixie" in my head...

Here are the lyrics:

"I wish I was in the land of cotton,
Old times there are not forgotten,
look away, look away, look away, Dixie land.
In Dixie Land where I was born in,
Early on one frosty mornin' look away,
look away, look away, Dixie land.
I wish I was in Dixie, hooray! hooray!
In Dixie Land I'll take my stand to live and die in Dixie,
Away, away, away down south in Dixie,
Away, away, away down south in Dixie!"

My god, I know every word.

And why, you might ask?

When I was in elementary school in rural north-central Maryland (in the farmland north of Frederick), we sang this song every week after the Pledge of Allegiance.

Some days we sang songs like "America the Beautiful" or "My Country Tis of Thee," but at least weekly, we sang "Dixie." And I'm going to admit something to you right now... it was my all-time favorite "patriotic" song.*

I LOVED it when the beginning of this song came over the loudspeaker (Yes! It's "Dixie" day!) and I sang it with gusto. Of course, mind you, I was like 10-years old and had no idea what I was saying... I just liked the tune (and it is very catchy).

This is a t-shirt design. Scary.

So I guess my point is that you might think Maryland today is more of a northern state, but I'm here to report from the inside that it is, in fact, not at all. ________________________________________________

* NPR reports that it was also Abraham Lincoln's favorite song so I guess I'm not a total freak.

To read the very interesting NPR story about the history of the tune "Dixie" and to listen to various samples of the song (which is apparently rarely sung in public anymore -- good grief, how un-PC my redneck school was!)... click here.

Babies, Beauties, and Beasts

2007-06-13T18:01:00.000-07:00

I spent my laborious day toiling away in the Sam Hughes neighborhood of Tucson... I had a full day of babysitting (as opposed to my usual half day) today because the mom -- who has a PhD in biochemistry -- had to sit in on and monitor an afternoon class that is using a textbook she's been writing.

In her absence, I swam with the 4-year old in the morning while the baby napped, and we all watched Madagascar and colored after lunch. I'm pretty sure the giraffe in that movie was voiced by Ross from "Friends," who didn't even try to not sound like Ross.

Luckily Baby S. loves playing in her cage... err, I mean playpen...

She has more toys than FAO Schwartz... which frees me up from having to hold her all the time, which would be a serious drag. Of course, I do play with her too, outside of her playpen, but I can't say I'm sad that she's a very self-sufficient child. Not to mention she's pretty damn cute.

And here's her sister, M...

... who is a total coloraholic, which is fine with me since I secretly love coloring. The only thing that annoys me is that she always wants to color on the same page and in the same book as me and then she sticks her head in my way so that I can't see what I'm doing and then she screws up my pictures.

And really... 96 colors in a crayon box?!? I remember being pretty psyched to get 64 with a built-in sharpener. Plus burnt sienna and cornflower aren't the craziest colors in the box anymore... now there's "macaroni and cheese" and "granny apple green" and a whole range of metallic/glitter shades.

I also gave S. a baby mirror to play with today...

... and as you can see, she was thrilled about looking at herself.

This actually reminds me of one of the bridesmaids in my brother's wedding several years ago. She was from the Ukraine and was friends with my sister-in-law and was very possibly the most vain creature I have ever encountered (put it this way, her entire wardrobe was from Bebe and she wore nothing but stiletto heels and cowboy hats). My mom and I actually started counting how many times this woman looked at herself in the mirror before the wedding. Every window, metallic surface, and mirror was fair game for her primping. My guess is that she looked in a reflective surface about 50 times per hour that day under the auspice of fixing her lipstick or hair, but I think she just loved the way she looked.

And speaking of weddings and beauty, I read an article in Gawker this evening entitled "Christina Aguilera's Husband is Huge," that literally had me cackling out loud in my apartment. If you don't read anything else today, I highly recommend you read the post (and the associated Zach Braff tirade) because, well, it's really really funny. And just a little catty.

Beauty and the Beast...

PS - And if you're my mom or someone in that age range, and/or you're totally disassociated with mainstream American pop culture (i.e.: You do not have hours to pore over Perez Hilton's website or the latest Us Weekly headlines), I will just tell you that the article conjectures why the attractive female singer Christina Aguilera might have married her less than attractive husband, Jordan Bratman.

Living the Life of Riley

2007-06-12T18:37:00.001-07:00

Right now I'm in an interesting place in my life.

Rephrased... I have no schoolwork, just a part-time job, many good friends, a cheap and fun place to live, and afternoons of sheer selfish enjoyment.

Don't think I don't realize what a boondoggle life I have at the moment... I do.

I don't think I could live this way permanently though (after all, it's difficult to be totally goal-less for more than a few months... at least for me, anyway)... but I am thoroughly enjoying every single second that I have left here. Sometimes I ride my bike and look up at the palm trees and feel the sunshine and the breeze and realize how great it all is...

My clearance for my new job at the State Department came through last week (sooner than I expected), which means I can start my job as soon as whoever is going to be my boss actually calls me to negotiate a start date.

I'm still waiting for that call... which means either: 1) they didn't expect my clearance to come through so soon and are stalling for time, 2) they're too busy to call and/or train a new person, or 3) they're out of town. Let's hope it's not that they don't want me anymore.

Anyway, I am appreciating every last moment I have here in Tucson... and my total lack of responsibility.

Today exemplified my current life as a slacker.

I rode my bicycle to the house where I babysit, put the baby to sleep, watched "Love Connection" and various other game shows for a couple of hours, played with the baby after she woke up, watched "Little People, Big World" while I fed the baby oatmeal, and then the mom came home.

Yes, more dwarfs...

I then rode my bike onto campus, where I mailed a homemade father's day card (I have loads of time for crafting these days... and it's father's day this weekend, everybody!), read Us Weekly in the campus bookstore, deposited my babysitting money at the ATM, and got a chicken salad sandwich at the food court.

Gerry came upon me eating this sandwich at a table near Chik-Filet (although that is not where I purchased it) as I was in deep contemplation over the complexities of bikini shopping in my newest Lucky magazine -- AKA "the magazine about shopping" -- although I must insert a downside to being a slacker here... I have no $$$ to afford to be a shopper. (One of life's grand disappointments for those of us not independently wealthy...)

Gerry's first comment to me: "Rough life."

Indeed.

My plans after lunch? The rec center pool... where I hung out from 1:30 to 4:30. I did swim laps for a half hour, and the rest of the time I read fluffy magazines and started my newest book, Ethan Frome, while lounging like Cleopatra in a shaded nook.

Then I went to Arabic speaking club at a nearby Starbuck's (in some attempt to maintain my Arabic abilities -- although it appears to be in vain, as I have forgotten at least 25% of what I once learned), and while there, I told my friend Sandy that I had spent half the day at the swimming pool.

His response?... "Sounds like you're living the life of Riley." (Just who is Riley anyway?)

Now I am off to a BBQ at Ben's house.

And then? I have another tough day ahead of me tomorrow. More of what I did today I guess.

Sigh.

My Favorite Coffee

2007-06-11T22:16:00.001-07:00

This is how I survive every morning...

... my special ordered Porto Rico coffee, sent via UPS directly from NYC.

As you can see, I nerded out and also ordered their 100th anniversary mug along with my two bags of coffee.

I love that place... and my new coffee mug.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAOLA!

2007-06-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

A big shout out to PP, who turns 34 today...

HAPPY B-DAY!!!!

Have a great day and see you soon!

"She's Crafty" Night

2007-06-10T17:57:00.001-07:00

In honor of the great Beastie Boys' song "She's Crafty," the girls (Keri, Anna, Katie, Ingrid, and I) got together at Ingrid's house last night to do some serious and hardcore crafting... namely spritz bleaching t-shirts with homemade designs.

Here's an idea of what we decided to do (I forgot my camera so I'm using random photos from craft websites... I don't know these people from Adam)...

First, we laid patterns on dark shirts. Then we spritzed bleach on them.

We wanted the end product to look something like this...

... a shirt made with random mechanical parts.

See more information here and here, if you're interested in trying the project yourself.

Seeing as I have a zillion t-shirts, but only one that I didn't mind potentially ruining, I made a pit stop at the world's scariest thrift shop... which would be called the "Deseret Industries" second-hand shop next to the meth-addict's favorite grocery story, Fry's, that I've referred to in at least one past blog post.

I assure you that the clientele there might just be made up of the scariest human beings you've ever seen in your life (toothless junkies, miserable screaming children, overweight fast-food-eating trailer home residents, etc.).

But... I was running low on time, it's very close to my house, and I needed to buy ice cream for the party that night... thus, a run to Fry's (and, by convenience, the scary ass thrift shop) was in order.

I found two tank tops, a khaki colored t-shirt, and a black v-neck shirt (unfortunately covered in several long and curly hairs that I had to pick off with my fingernails in complete horror), which totaled the grand sum of $8.00. Not a bad deal, if I don't say so myself... and it almost made having to touch random hair worth it.

We all brought several shirts -- and we had a number of objects to bleach... from gears to doilies to wrenches to cookie cutter designs to grape leaves.

I had the idea to write out Arabic words on a sheet of paper and then cut them out with an Exacto knife. I then bleached the cut out areas.

Here are my shirts...

This one says "Why?" in colloquial Arabic.

And this one says "Love"...

For the record, I'm not the type that would ever wear a t-shirt that says "love" in English (and I f***ing hate any piece of clothing that has hearts on it... and lace or ruffles or capped sleeves and that is pink or featuring any other cute horrible thing)... but I knew how to spell it in Arabic (important, that is) and it's not so schmaltzy written in a cool script like Arabic. Note that I didn't add any hearts on it anywhere though.

I tried to put stars on a navy blue tank top I'd bought -- even though I was gravely worried that it was going to turn out cheesily patriotic -- but it refused to accept the bleach. (Perhaps for the best.) It just stayed navy. Ingrid had the same problem with one of hers (ahem, I mean, one of her husband, Joe's, shirts that she stole out of his closet despite his warnings not to mar his stuff with bleach designs).

This was my last design of the night... and you can tell I did it in the near darkness of Ingrid's back yard...

... because the doily was obviously completely off center.

Thank goodness I only paid $2 for that shirt.

Then we had dinner (Keri brought a Mediterranean salad feast, Ingrid baked chocolate "Wacky cake", and I brought chocolate peanut butter ice cream... my favorite) and we raided Ingrid's bookshelves! She lent me Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights (as part of my Victorian moralist summer reading extravaganza) as well as Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell, which I'll get to later.*

All in all, it was a splendid evening... I hope we do it next month too!

* Reason being... I stopped in to Bookman's used bookstore today and got the following novels (more or less from the same 18th/19th century genre... I'm addicted!) which I feel like I should have read earlier but never did -- and am finding that I absolutely love:

Mansfield Park by Jane Austen
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton
Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton
Lady Chatterley's Lover by D.H. Lawrence (yes, I know it's pretty much soft porn, but there's nothing wrong with that... it's a classic!)

Diego's Drug Binge

2007-06-08T14:04:00.000-07:00

I have a short but amusing anecdote today.

I was babysitting this morning, and I was coloring in a "Dora the Explorer" coloring book with the 4-year old girl...

She insisted on coloring every square inch of the page, often ruining my perfectly decorated creations.

We were coloring a picture of Dora's male friend Diego, when she demanded to color in the whites of his eyes.

She chose the color pink to surround his green eyes (colored by me).

While she was coloring, I muttered: "Oh look! Isn't that cute! Diego now looks like he's been on a crazy, all night drug binge."...

About a minute later she stopped coloring, looked at the picture and said: "I'm a good colorer. And Diego looks like he's been on a drug binge..."

I laughed out loud on the inside... then found myself hoping she never repeats that to her parents.

The Phoenix Cousins

2007-06-07T16:20:00.000-07:00

I drove up to Phoenix yesterday and back again to Tucson this morning.

There's not a lot to see on that drive, although yesterday the wind was buffeting my car so strongly that I had to hold on tightly with two hands almost the whole way there to avoid being blown off the road and into a tumblebush patch. I felt like Granny Apples.

I always enjoy getting close to Phoenix because you start seeing these signs...

OMG! L.A.!

I think because I grew up on the East Coast, I am always taken aback a little to see signs for California cities. I always feel kind of cool when I drive under them. Like, oooo, I could go to L.A. if I wanted... but I won't.

Anyway, I had a great time in Phoenix at my cousin Ardith's house. She cooked up chicken curry salad with a tasty assortment of side dishes, and my other cousin, Mali, brought deviled eggs, which just might have been the most delicious deviled eggs I have ever eaten (and I'm a huge deviled egg fan... sometimes I will just boil one egg to make a single tasty treat for myself, but mine never taste as good as Mali's did... her secret appears to be ranch dressing.)

Here are the chefs...

... my second cousin Mali (in the center), Ardy on the right, and Mali's daughter Laura on the left (who I guess is also my cousin in a more distant sort of way).

Laura's a senior at ASU and plans to teach middle school. She's also a ballroom dancer so of course, I quizzed her to death about it, especially anything related to "Dancing With the Stars."

Here was the rest of the party crew...

... Joanne, Ardy, and Gene (all my mom's cousins... their parents were my grandmother's brother and sister) -- and Gene's wife Gail, who is from Alabama originally and has the world's cutest Southern accent.

Gene is the perfect name for him because he's taken an active role in being our family genealogist. He has gotten in touch with all of my great-grandfather's relatives in Austria, travels there every year, and hosts them at his home in Phoenix annually as well.

They're from a village in the Alps on the border of southern Germany...

... and this is the southernmost town in Germany (Sonthofen) that my great grandfather's family left behind to come to the US in the 1840s.

All I had to ask was... what in the hell were those people thinking? They left that glorious place for central Michigan? Were they crazy? Sorry, Michiganders, but even you have to agree.

The answer: There was a potato famine, and they had no choice. Hmmm... and I thought that only affected the Irish. I guess not.

My opinion? I'd have to seriously be starving to leave that place for the midwestern U.S. Like bloated stomach starving.

Game Show Addict

2007-06-05T17:28:00.001-07:00

Another great day...

More or less a repeat of yesterday... babysitting, poolside lounging and swimming afterwards at the rec center, chilling out at home for a bit, then playing "Citadels" at J & A's later this evening.

In order to save money on gas, save natural resources, and help out the environment, I've decided to start biking to my babysitting job, which is about 3.5 miles from my house. I can take a really nice bike trail there through one of Tucson's prettiest neighborhoods, and I almost didn't notice the 102 degree heat today (and believe me, it was close to that even at 7:55 this morning!).

While babysitting (I only had the baby today because the 4-year old goes to day camp on Tues/Thurs), I turned on the television while she was napping. Normally, I read or play around on the computer, but today I discovered that they have digital TV.* More specifically, I discovered that they have "The Game Show Channel."

Have I mentioned that I am a game show freak?

Even better, this morning, there was nothing but old game shows (the best kind!) on the air... the lineup even had "Love Connection" followed by "Let's Make a Deal" and then "Press Your Luck."

Could there be three better shows in a row? I think not.

I used to watch "Love Connection" every afternoon after school with my grandmother in her apartment...

We were rabid Chuck Woolery fans.

On today's episode, every single woman had very stiff looking, feathered hair, and every single man in the date selection videos had a mustache...

This is totally representative.

And remember the whammies on "Press Your Luck"?!?

No whammies, no whammies! I watched that show with my grandmother too.

This was the car that a couple won on "Let's Make a Deal" today ---

... Monty Hall told them it was worth a crazy $6,000! The couple was so thrilled. I wonder what its gas mileage was? It reminded me of the Brady Bunch. My friend Patti's parents also had a wagon like this, and we would ride backwards in the rear seat.

And on a final note, although Tic Tac Dough was not on the Game Show Channel's repertoire this morning, does anyone else remember the show's last segment with the roaring dragon on the blinking tic-tac-toe screen?...

And better yet, does anyone recall the vehicle that the Tic Tac Dough winner received?...

To this day, I cannot see an AMC Eagle and not think of Tic Tac Dough and Wink Martindale. Of course, one rarely sees AMC Eagles anymore, but there is a guy in Tucson who apparently collects them because there are about six parked in front of his house that I ogled at a few months ago. I must admit though, that even as a child, I remember thinking to myself, "Why would you want to win that lame and ugly car?"

* - I know, you TV freaks out there might not believe that I have not once looked at the TV since I started babysitting there in February, but it's true.

FYI: There will be no blog on Wednesday b/c I'm driving up to Phoenix for a family dinner at my mom's cousin Ardith's house. She's inviting her sister and their cousin (also my mom's cousin), Gene and his wife, and a few other second cousins of mine that live up that way. I'm looking forward to meeting the mystery cousin Gene (who is round about 80 now) b/c he's been the "big success" of the family... got his PhD in optical engineering or something mathy like that at U. of Michigan (where my grandmother's family is from) and invented a type of solar-resistant paint that was used by NASA on its space crafts. From what I hear, he's lived pretty well in L.A. for years and recently retired to Phoenix.

Pool Fun, Game Time and Twin Peaks... What a Difficult Life.

2007-06-04T22:42:00.000-07:00

I'm too tired to blog properly this evening.

My day was amazingly difficult.

I spent this morning babysitting. I have the four year old sister to watch now too, and she's learning to swim so the mom has asked me to work with her in their pool. I know, tough life... getting paid to play in the pool and sunbathe, and as you all know, I just hate swimming... ha!

I'll bring my camera later this week so I can record some stellar shots of me laid out on their life-size alligator raft. I get the feeling her parents don't exactly play with her in the pool so I've become the fun pool person -- doing flips, dives, somersaults, and carting her around on my back as "the dolphin." Not a bad way to earn an hourly wage...

I met J & K and A & H for lunch at "Chopped" afterwards and enjoyed a spinach salad then hung out at home for a bit before heading over to J & K's for "board game/Twin Peaks evening," which featured a fun-filled hour of their new game, "Citadels"...

So fun! So fun! (I'm even going back tomorrow to play round two!)

Then more people showed up, and we watched Episodes 1 & 2 from Season One of Twin Peaks.

Despite the warnings of "you will hate it," I still continued to enjoy it a lot...

... even all the dwarfish weirdness.*

* = Dear me. This marks the second time in a row on my blog that I have mentioned dwarfs. Or should I say "Little People"? Is that the new PC term?

PS - And if you're a Harry Potter fan (or even if you're not), you must, I repeat, you must go here to check out the Onion's latest coverage on what's going to happen in the next book. Hilarity ensues...

Gay Dancing, Teen Shopping, Cheeseburgers, Pancakes, and the Morbidly Obese

2007-06-03T14:28:00.000-07:00

I've had a totally relaxing weekend!

Friday: Twin Peaks and IBTs.
Saturday: Shopping at the mall; In-N-Out Burger.
Sunday: Bobo's; the gym; a rental movie.

On Friday night, a bunch of us met at Jordy's for a Twin Peaks viewing session (which will air weekly in his living room throughout the summer seeing as there is nothing better on TV these days, unless you actually want to watch someone play Bingo on national television).

Here are J, I, and B post-show...

Having never seen T.P. before, I was pleasantly surprised by the plot and am looking forward to Season One as it plays out.

Afterwards, Ben, Lisa, Ingrid, and I headed over to IBTs (Tucson's local gay-friendly bar!) to meet Anna & Alex and dance our hearts out to Euro beats.

We hung out for a while on the patio...

Then moved inside to the dance floor, where Alex discovered he was the cat's meow of IBTs. Anna was proud.

I was a little disappointed with the music... too much R&B and hip-hop... but then Lady Sovereign came on with a electro-beat, and I was pretty happy for a while. However, Ingrid and I still decided to clear out around midnight.

I spent Saturday running errands, returning a few items at the mall, and scoring the deal of the century at Old Navy. I normally never shop there, but I was looking for some basic tank tops (AZ's pretty fucking hot in the summer) so I popped in to see what they had. I ended up finding a pair of really cute dark denim capris that fit pretty well...

They didn't have a tag on them, but when I had the cashier ring them up, the price showed as $3.97. Yes, $3.97!!! Needless to say, they were mine.*

I must admit that I also stopped in (inner shriek) "Forever 21" -- which generally skeeves me out completely. While there, I was on the phone with M., making fun of the ridiculous styles and 80s retro-wear I was looking at. He remarked, "You know, it's not Forever 33. Wouldn't you feel more comfortable browsing in Talbot's or Coldwater Creek?"

Ass. (Said with a smile.)

Anyway, the good news is that I do actually still fit in "Forever 21" clothing...

... and I found this really cute shirt! For cheap too!

On the prowl for more cute tops (I swear, all I own are plain colored t-shirts for summer), I also found this little gem at Target...

It's reversible too with navy on the inside so you can choose a print or plain pattern.

I ended my crazy shopping spree with a stop at In-N-Out Burger, which is slightly less crazy busy than it was a month ago. And I treated myself to a cheeseburger-to-go, which I ate in front of my television set at home. All in all, a lovely day.

This morning, I got up around 8:30, called Keri to go to Bobo's (best diner and pancakes in all of Tucson!!!... and clearly just what my body needed after a fast-food burger the night before), and in some semblance of health-consciousness, we decided to ride our bikes a few miles to the restaurant to burn off at least some of the fat & calories.

We met Ingrid there and shared a lovely b-fast. I ordered the banana pancakes (second best only to apple) and some scrambled eggs.

Because I am a person who can't help but notice (and mention) these things, I must also report that a man who must have weighed at least 500+ pounds waddled in (barely, I thought he was going to heave over from exertion & collapse from his walk from the parking lot and then no one would no what to do because he'd be a puddle on the floor and too big to lift) and sat at the table facing me so I had to look at the gelatinous fat of his legs pouring over his chair (which I also hoped would not break under his size). Of course, I thought, "You really shouldn't be at Bobo's, sir. I have an apple in my bag that might be a better option."

I know I might be accused of being mean here, but really, this was the largest man I have ever seen in public (ie: not on Jerry Springer or Dr. Phil)...

According to this website (Don't say you haven't been warned... the site is called "The World's Heaviest People"), in 1996, after this man had been unable to leave his bed for four weeks, Springer paid to have a contractor remove a wall of his home and transport him to a Cincinnati hospital for weight reduction. As an added note, post-Springer, the man (who didn't lose weight) faced criminal charges for allegedly showing pornographic videos to minors.

Ewwww, N-A-S-T-Y.

On that glorious note, I take your leave to go watch a movie I rented... "Tess of the D'Urbervilles," directed by Roman Polanski, which won an Academy award for cinematography in 1980 and features Natassja Kinski. Has anyone ever read the book by Thomas Hardy? I haven't, but if I like the movie, I'm going to have to read it when I'm done with Persuasion.

* Miguel also just commented that the capri pants look "like full-size jeans that Charla the Dwarf would wear on the Amazing Race." Oh, thank you.

The Moz Show, Part II

2007-06-01T14:30:00.000-07:00

My life is complete. Morrissey shook my hand last night and looked me in the eye.

Kind of like this but less crowded and frenetic seeming.

The best thing about Tucson is that it's not a big city, and venues aren't made for huge crowds so it was very easy to get right up next to the stage.

Our seats were halfway back in the auditorium, but I realized there was plenty of room up front near the stage. So almost as soon as we arrived, (about 5 minutes late into Morrissey's set... the horror!!! -- found out I missed "The Queen is Dead" and "Last of the Famous International Playboys," which is heartbreaking because they're two of my favorite songs) I abandoned my fellow concert-goers to see if I could get up closer.

I just walked straight up the side aisle, and no one asked me a thing or asked to look at my ticket. I parked myself in the third or fourth row, thrilled to see Morrissey so closely, and then I realized he was coming over to the stage to shake fans' hands. Of course, I wanted to be part of the action so I tried to move up next to the stage, but the security people turned me back. Moderately disappointed, I acquiesced and turned back to where I had been. However, about two minutes later, a security manager came up to me, tapped me on the shoulder and told me to go ahead up to the front row. YES, the FRONT ROW!!! I about peed my pants. I was actually touching the stage I was so close.

The show was pretty good, although unfortunately he played mostly stuff from his new album (which I don't own and don't know any of the songs and kind of didn't like). He did play a couple of his earlier solo pieces like "Every Day is Like Sunday." And he pulled out a few Smiths songs too... namely, "Girlfriend in a Coma," "A Boy With a Thorn in His Side," "Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want This Time" and my personal favorite of the night... "How Soon is Now?", which he performed following a strange contortionist maneuver in which he curled himself up in a fetal type position next to the drum riser for about 3 minutes of instrumental interlude.

I guess he's including "How Soon is It Now?" on his set list this time around since he appeared to have played it at Coachella earlier this year...

"There's a club if you'd like to go... you could meet somebody who really loves you. So you go and you stand on your own, and you leave on your own, and you go home and you cry and you want to die."

(I must admit to listening to these lyrics more than once in college and finding comfort in them.)

Can't say I don't wish he'd played more Smiths songs or more from the Viva Hate or Bona Drag albums (I think his 2004 tour set list was actually better), but all in all it was still a good show, mostly because, you know, it's Morrissey, and he really knows how to work the crowd and appeal to his fans. And I'm not embarrassed at all to say I'm part of his cult following.

They didn't allow cameras into the venue so unfortunately I don't have a shot of our hand hold, but it was like slow motion...

... Me waving my arm frantically on the right hand side of the stage...

He smiled and came over and knelt down and picked me out of the crowd and held my hand while staring me in the eye for at least five seconds, as I swooned over it all...

It was very surreal.

What else can I say? I've idolized him for more than 20 years.

Morrissey! Who I Shall See Tonight...

2007-05-31T09:02:00.000-07:00

Tonight I am going to the Morrissey concert here in Tucson.

Yes, Morrissey. IN TUCSON. I can hardly believe it myself... but I attribute it largely to his huge Mexican fan base. (And funny thing... I'm going with two Mexicans!) He hasn't been to Arizona in five years though... so I'm feeling vastly lucky.

Morrissey has been my favorite singer since I was in 6th grade. My first tape was "The Smiths." I love him. (Not enough to jump on stage and hug him like other crazy fans do, but I do love his music.) Granted, I still prefer the Smiths to solo Moz, but his earlier solo albums were very good.

I saw him live in 2004 in DC, and it was one of the best shows I've ever seen. He's a great live performer (lots of passionate waving around and grabbing his heart and getting down on his knees and interacting with the crowd)... I can't wait for tonight!

Here's a sneak peek of what lies in store this evening, which I'm pretty sure (or at least hoping) he'll play...

November Spawned a Monster:

Suedehead:

There is a Light That Never Goes Out (a Smiths song he closes his shows with... and one of my all-time favorite tunes... and yes, he really does take his shirt off at the end of the show!):

Has there ever been a more passionate song?

"If a double decker bus crashes into us, to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die. And if a ten-ton truck kills the both of us, to die by your side... well, the pleasure, the privilege is mine."

Ahhhh, Moz.

Atlanta... Home of Furry/Non-Furry Friends, Babies, and Beluga Whales

2007-05-30T15:49:00.001-07:00

This is the final recap of last week before I move back to the present...

I had a great time in Atlanta with one of my best college/KKG friends, KC!!!! I hadn't seen her for a few years and was pleasantly surprised to find she hasn't changed a bit since our last meeting (even after having a child!)... she's still a skinny minnie, and that's a big compliment.

In a nutshell... she looked great.

This is us last Thursday outside the Buckhead Diner, which I highly recommend if you ever visit Atlanta. And make sure to try the homemade potato chips with blue cheese topping as an appetizer! Oink oink.

And here's the apple of KC's eye, Baby Jack...

... who looks so much like both of his parents, I couldn't believe it. Maybe a little more like his dad, but he's a big mix. And he has a great personality... nothing but smiles, smiles, smiles.

The closest bond I formed, however, was with this little fellow...

... Ralph the Cat.

Honestly, as you know, I'm not a pet person. Plus I'm allergic to cats. But I fell in love with this guy. He just might have the cutest personality of any cat in the world (aside from my friend Keri's cat Turtle, who is equally fabulous). He literally stalked me for the two days I was there... loitering outside my bedroom door, waiting for me outside the bathroom, and hopping up either on my lap or right next to me on the couch every time I sat down. We just couldn't get enough of each other.

This is one of our bonding moments...

... I love you, Ralph!

KC even told me that if anything happened to her or her husband, they would make sure I got Ralph in their will. Unfortunately, however, I just received bad news from KC via e-mail. Looks like elderly Ralph is suffering from kidney failure and doesn't have long to live. My heart breaks.

Anyway... moving on... here is KC's neighborhood in ATL...

I loved the Atlanta landscape. Lots of trees, a mixture of old and modern architecture, pretty rolling hills, and an abundance of greenery.

We took a walk to the park my first day there with Jack so I could see the area and so we could entertain him at the playground...

However, KC and I agreed swinging tended to make us both a bit nauseous.

I must add here that I attempted to ride a tall, twisty slide while I was there (sans the baby... which turned out to be a good thing). The slide was insanely fast, shooting me out like a pinball the minute I sat on it -- knocking off my sunglasses, and forcing me into the fetal position (according to an old man at the playground with his grandson... "you looked just like a little ball rolling down there!"). I still have a scab on my elbow from my attempts to slow myself down before I was spit out at the bottom and nearly fell on my face before I ended up bruising my ass. In the words of KC... "All I heard was bump-d-bump-d-bump the whole way down... it seemed like I should laugh, but then I thought I shouldn't when I saw you fall out the other end."

Word to the wise: Avoid the twisty slide over the age of 30.

After my recovery, I played in a safer area with Jack...

And although I look a lot like Rocky Dennis here (or maybe Jay Leno)...

... I am including it because Jack was having so much fun being tossed in the air.

The family dog, Gus, was just kicking it in the shade...

The next day we went to the Georgia Aquarium, which is amazing and totally worth a visit. Although they confiscated a brand new pack of gum from my purse (apparently there is a "no gum" policy), I recovered from the devastation and still had a good time. With gum in my mouth, unseen by the guard.

Here are some Japanese snow crabs...

Freaky little buggers, aren't they?

And my favorite... the leafy sea dragon...

This thing was swimming around like a fish! (Errr, maybe it is a fish?)

Here's some random fish. It might be a piranha... but I'm not sure. It looks sort of like one, but the fish in the back looks different, meaning it's probably not a piranha or the other fish would be dead...

KC and I were disappointed that we couldn't see the piranhas' teeth. In fact, they look rather harmless. I wondered what would happen if you put a cow carcass into the tank. I wondered how long it would take to pick it clean.

According to my Google research, piranhas won't attack humans unless they're dead or dying. I guess we're too big to be worth the effort. Some scientist actually jumped in a piranha-infested river to prove this theory, and luckily, he was right.

I was utterly fascinated with the jellyfish as well...

... very plasma-like and almost reminded me of afterbirth and/or lingerie, which should never be used in the same sentence, but it's what I thought.

One of my favorite attractions was the beluga whale tank...

... we timed it just right to see the three whales getting fed and physically checked by their handler. How would you like that job... imagine meeting someone in a bar... "So what do you do?" "Oh, I'm a beluga whale handler." Very cool.

And if you've ever laid awake at night wondering what a beluga whale's penis looked like, I saw one up close and personal...

Rather disappointing, is it not? Considering the animal's size?

The true highlight, however, was the deep sea tank...

Look how huge that plexiglass is!!!! It's six sheets of glass melted together and is over 60' x 30' x 2' thick and custom-made in Japan. There were so many cool fish in this exhibit -- from stingrays (of course, no one could look at them without mentioning the Crocodile Hunter) to a hammerhead shark, groupers, and lots of other random fish.

Before my flight home, we met up for a late lunch with KC's high school friend Diana, who I have heard about for years but never met...

... and I loved her too!

Thanks, KC! It was a GREAT TRIP!!!!

Party Weekend! Even With a Runny Nose.

2007-05-29T17:08:00.001-07:00

For those of you who keep up with my blog, you might remember that I was absolutely sick as a dog my first weekend home in DC.

I slept pretty much all day on Friday and Saturday, and my waking hours were spent sneezing and blowing my nose incessantly.

My only ventures outside were to attend my friends' parties on Friday and Saturday night, and I had to do a lot of rallying to get there. Surprisingly, however, in both cases, my socializing skills overpowered my ailment, and I almost ended up forgetting I was sick, although my aches and pains did force me home a wee bit early on Friday night from Dr. Dremo's.

Here was the real star of the night (no, not me)...

... my friend Mary, who just got her master's degree in conflict resolution. She used to work with me at State Department (we've had many a fond memory together traveling in Morocco), and she's also a month younger than me so we've enjoyed sharing b-day parties together in the past. Anyway, last Friday we also toasted our 33rd year.

And here's our other friend Jenny B....

... who also used to be our co-worker at State and is now a proud employee of Homeland Security. God Bless Jenny for keeping our homeland safe.

Saturday night was also filled with drinking beers I shouldn't have been drinking in my dehydrated and feverish state, where I caught up with all of my old Smithsonian co-workers and their men. (Yep, we were pretty much an all-girl office).

Here's one of the men... Luis...

... who shared the b-day honors with me. We even got to blow out candles on a cake together while everyone sang! (By the way, I look identical in all of the three pictures above... well, I am the same person so that shouldn't be so bizarre, but I have an uncannily similar pose -- sort of a weird sideways neck crane -- in all of them.)

All of my friends have become baby making factories...

... like Dwayne & Sarah with baby Henry and twin boys on the way.

Doug and Shannon have procreated as well...

... but not Amy. She teaches middle school in Harlem. She's just ruining the family photo.

Meg & Bob don't have kids either...

... and they're not married (yet).

Here's Sue & Stephanie, the NTHP girls...

... who are really funny. And they like to drink champagne.

Nichole & Luis host this barbecue every year (I think this might have been year #5), and it always, always ends in a dance party that ends around 3 am in their living room.

Not this year though...

... I think I took this photo around 10:30 pm. Holy crap, we're all getting old.

Not to mention responsible (at least some of us)...

... N & L's Baby Mia!!!! (not so happy to be woken up for a photo op.)

Check out the KC/ATL update tomorrow (more babies)...

Wildest Bachelorette Party Ever

2007-05-28T10:46:00.001-07:00

Last night, I attended a bachelorette party for a girl in my department named Alana, who is marrying a Moroccan guy and moving there in a month.

She invited most of the girls from my (former) department and some of her high school friends who are still here in Tucson.

It was a pretty tame event (no bar hopping, no Lifesaver t-shirts or bridal veils, and minimal penis props... but I think this is mostly because Alana is converting to Islam). Frankly, it was a bit on the "slumber party games" side of things, but that was fine by me since I think typical bachelorette parties might just be the lamest things in the whole world... ie: "I dare you to ask that guy for his boxer shorts!" --- uggggh.*

Here are the binat (girls in Arabic) from my department...

Carrie, Shauna, Danielle, Laura, me, Alana, Lindsey, Ruth, Wafa, and Rachael.

And here I am with just Shauna and Lindsey...

My first two friends in Tucson.

Here's Alana attacking her pinata...

... which all of us hoped was filled with chocolate and sex toys and actually ended up being filled with hard candy (reminding me of the sweets that my grandmother used to try to pawn off on us from her weekly "food & friends" meetings... and which I naturally rejected... Werther's Originals? Yuck.) and Mexican tamarind flavored crap that is just plain gross.

Prior to my disappointment, I was excited about decorating my candy bag...

... and Carrie seemed to approve as well.

My favorite part of the night (besides sipping on wine coolers) was the pornographic cupcake contest...

... which you can see the results of above. I attempted to go a bit over the top with a well-designed pink frosted choo-cha and a large black 3-D penis entering it (a "pimp & ho" cupcake is how I was touting it), but the black dick ended up looking more like a cluster of turds, which put my cupcake off the map on the scale of dirtiness... literally. Furthermore, the balls/turds ended up sliding off the side of the cupcake. (See center dessert). I won the award for "biggest monstrosity" AKA "grossest cupcake."

Crazy times, I tell you, crazy times.

* P -- Your upcoming bachelorette plans are excluded from this conversation, mostly because you're over 30, you're getting a limo, and you're pre-partying in a hotel room, all of which add major cool points to your soiree.

A Day En Route to Tucson

2007-05-27T15:59:00.001-07:00

I'm back in Tucson after my 10-day vacay to DC and Hotlanta.

I have lots of pictures to upload and stories to tell, but for now, I'm going to post a few photos from my trip home today. I've come to the realization that I rarely show pictures from my regular, daily life. So here's your treat... a few pics from my extremely exciting trip back west.

I can think of two things that make me happy when travelling... 1) Walking into a large public restroom and finding it empty. (Not that I'm going to gas it up or anything -- it's just nice to have a pee to yourself sometimes, especially in a public space, without some chick in the stall next to you) and 2) A window seat aboard a nearly empty airplane.

When I walked up to my airplane gate this morning, I thought I was on the verge of missing my flight because there was no one in line and the waiting area was empty. As it turns out, I wasn't late at all. It's just that NO ONE in America flies on the Sunday of Memorial Weekend.

I was in heaven. I practically had the airport and airplane to myself. Since most people supremely annoy me, I was thrilled by this prospect.

Check out my flight from DC to Dallas... the flight attendant said there were only 32 people on board...

I was literally all alone in the back. It was lovely. No babies crying. No fighting for an armrest. No coughing or sneezing. No people. Ahhhhhh. And I had three seats upon which to stretch out and read Jane Austen. Now that's dreamy. Plus the flight attendants gave me three drinks... a coffee, an OJ, and a water. Perhaps a champagne would have completed the drink ensemble, but my liver probably needs a break anyway.

Once I got to Dallas, my flight was unfortunately delayed by more than an hour due to inclement weather. I decided to park my ass on the carpet behind a massage chair so I could sprawl out and lean against the wall and talk to Jojo on the phone.

Little did I know that the massage chair was "home base" for a spirited game of tag going on between a bunch of 6-year olds who were also waiting for my flight. I soon became Dallas International Airport's local child magnet.

These two girls immediately put me under interrogation...

I took this picture of Chelsea and Jordan, seriously cute 1st graders, behind the massage chair. They were totally unafraid of strangers. I kept wondering where their parents were, but I was also secretly pleased that they were allowed to act like normal children and weren't being kept on a leash.

Our conversation went something like this:

C: What are you doing?
Me: (on phone) What?
C: What are you doing?
Me: Sitting here.
C: Oh.
Me: What are you doing?
C: Playing hide and seek with Jordan.
J: Do you want to see my puppy? He's new...
Me: Well, I'm on the phone with my friend. Just a minute...
J: Holding this thing out toward me...

Me: Oh, what is this?
J: It's a Perfect Petzzz. He sleeps and breathes and if you hold him to your ear, you can hear and feel him breathing. (Pushing him toward my face).
Me: Oh, you're right. That's cool. (Actually, it was.)
J: He cost $35. His name is Orlando because I got him at Disney World.
Me: Well, isn't that clever... and very nice of your parents.
J: My parents always say yes to anything I want.
Me: I guess you're pretty lucky then. (Feeling a little annoyed now. Looking down... Chelsea is pretending to be a dog and licking my shoe. Yes... licking my shoe.) Ummm, you'd better not do that. My shoes are pretty dirty.
C: Woof! Woof!

And it went on for at least ten minutes until I finally made eye contact with the mothers, who frankly seemed pleased that someone else was entertaining them for a while. A lady on my other side snarkily said I should consider taking them home... "They appear to be yours for the taking" was what she said.

Once we finally climbed aboard our jet, I was happy to be alone again after determining the children had been sequestered in the back. I had another whole row to myself.

I never take pictures from the airplane window, but Tucson always kind of shocks me by its oblivion-like appearance from the air...

Brown, brown, brown. Rectangular. Angular. Brown.

East coast = green & grey. Southwest = brown & blue.

And that's my life today.

Memories of the 70s...

2007-05-22T09:10:00.000-07:00

For my birthday and graduation, my dad gave me a photo album and CD of over 100 photographs he'd taken during my childhood. The album caused me to burst into tears in the middle of my graduation party (I hadn't seen most of the photos since I was a small child because they were on slides) because it was so sentimental.

I finally got around to looking at the rest of the photos that were on the CD, and I found the best two photos from my childhood... ever.

Here they are:

My brother and me rocking out in our old living room in Florida:

Check out the reel-to-reel!!! I wonder what I was listening to? I loved Captain & Tennille and the James Gang so my bets are on them.

And this little gem made me laugh out loud...

... a family portrait in our 1970 VW van. Taken on the highway - obviously before the child seat era.

A Most Interesting Assignment

2007-05-21T15:33:00.001-07:00

This morning after breakfast (wheat Chex, a tortilla with honey, coffee, and cottage cheese), I noticed that I had a message on my cell phone. I had missed the call because I'd been listening to the Beach Boys at a rather loud level.

The message was from my brother. This is all the message said:

"K... It's T. I have a special assignment for you. Call me back immediately."

Of course, my interest was piqued.

Before I begin the rest of the story, I should preface the tale by saying that my brother and his wife are in the business of buying up old apartment buildings, upgrading the units, and then selling them to make a nice profit. My brother is the finance guy and his wife is the interior designer so it works out well.

Anyway -- I called my brother back right away, and we had this conversation:

Me: Hey, it's me. What's my assignment?

T: Hey... I have something that is right up your alley, and I think you have the time to help me with this.

Me: (skeptically) OK... what?

T: Well, we're getting ready to put the units on the market in our newest building. But the problem is that the building doesn't have a name... and it needs a name.

Me: Ooooo, can I name it?!?

T: I need you to do some research for me. The deal is that with all of our other buildings, we've just named them after the street that they're on... like Cherry Street Place or the Greenway Park Plaza or whatever. But this building is on a numbered street, and it doesn't sound very nice to say the "101st Street Building" so it needs a better name.

Me: (fantasizing about how this is in fact the perfect job for me... I mean, I read nail polish color names and lipstick names and Glidden paint chip names -- ie: Creme de la Creme Brulee or Pouty Peach and know I could do better... and now I have a whole building to work with! Yes!) So I get to name the building?!?!?!?!?

T: Yeah, but not just any name. The trick is that the building is kind of ugly. It has these tiny windows that are really high up on the walls, and C. (his wife) and I call it "The Penitentiary" to each other. So we want to give it a name that has something to do with prisons, but not so that any potential tenants would know it. You know, we can't really name it Alcatraz or San Quentin because we don't think anyone would want to buy a unit there. So you need to find something more subtle, but still prison-ish.

Me: How about Auschwitz?

T: Yeah, because we have little swastika tiles in all the kitchen backsplashes so that would be awesome!

Me: But probably not the best selling point. I'm living in the "Bergen Belsen." And you?

T: Yeah, I'm in the Sachsenhausen. That would be a winner.

Me: OK, I can do this. I'll find some really looney prison with a crazy story that no one's ever heard of and you can name it that. Just give me a few hours on Google.

And we left it at that.

After many a prison search on Wikipedia, I finally found the winner (agreed to by my brother and his wife as well)... the Bridewell.

Here's the basic information about it...

The Bridewell was once a Royal Palace of Henry VIII on the banks of the river Fleet before becoming London's first house of correction, where small time crooks were put to work and beaten to help correct their disorderly ways. There were public whippings of half naked women, and a gallery was built to house a male audience for this display. The whippings were stopped towards the end of the 17th century, with the prison closing by 1855, the women prisoners being sent to the newly built Holloway Prison.

London's first real prison built by Henry VIII! Perfect!

It was also a labor camp for women...

... painted by the 18th century artist Hogarth.

In fact, the Bridewell Palace Prison was so notorious that if you look up "bridewell" in the dictionary today, you will find that it is synonymous with the word "prison" in the UK. But unsuspecting Yank consumers will never guess a thing.

Welcome to the Bridewell, dear buyers... bwaaaaaahahahahahhahahahaha!

Slowly Recovering... And One Year Older. Sigh.

2007-05-20T19:50:00.000-07:00

So here's the deal... I am feeling better (still blowing my nose every 30 seconds but not feeling achy and death-like anymore), I went to Luis & Nichole's party last night and stayed out till (gasp) almost midnight, drank multiple beers, and took numerous photos.

Too bad this computer doesn't have the right software to hook up my digital camera though... this just means I will have a major photo dump next week.

After spending a good part of the day yesterday sleeping and recovering from the world's worst cold, then watching Pride & Prejudice (the Keira Knightly version... which I'm not ashamed to say made me cry a little at the end), I was finally up for leaving the house and made it over to Luis & Nichole's place.

It was a great party last night (about 40 people in L & N's backyard)... saw all of my old friends (and lots of new toddlers & babies), celebrated with a chocolate birthday cake, tacos, and Coronas, and let everyone know I'm moving back in a few months. I dare say everyone was pretty happy about the news.

Today I ran errands with my mom (yes, great excitement), which included getting lost in Falls Church, as she totally confused road directions even after I continued to say "are you sure this is the right way?!?," and then spent hours with her looking at silver door handles and drawer knobs for her soon-to-be renovated bathroom. Of course, I found myself paralyzed by the ludicrous amount of options available at the Home Expo Design store and probably ended up being absolutely no help at all. My biggest contributions of the day were telling my mom that one door handle looked like a hair barrette, and another looked like a blood-filled tick. Oh, and one style looked very phallic and another was very hot dog-like in appearance, which I guess is actually kind of the same thing.

Time to go to bed now. I'm still on only about 75% energy... blaaahhhh.

Typhoid Mary... That's Me!

2007-05-19T05:03:00.000-07:00

I made it to DC in one piece. Too bad my new nickname is Typhoid Mary.

I started to feel shitty about an hour before my flight. I thought, hmmm, do I have a little bit of a sore throat suddenly? I took some Emergen-C and some Airborne hoping to remedy the situation.

It did nothing. I felt crappier and crappier each moment of the rest of the day, and by the time I arrived in Dallas for my connecting flight my nose was running so much it actually dripped all over my t-shirt when I was trying to get in my seat. I'm sure the guy I sat next to was really psyched about that -- especially when I sneezed about 10 times and finally stuffed a Kleenex in my nose when I slept to keep it from running all over my face.

Now I have a death croup cough, my head feels like it's about to explode, and I continue to produce snot at a ridiculously unhealthy level.

I made an attempt to have fun at my friend Mary's party last night at Dr. Dremo's. I was able to rally for a while, even finishing one beer, but then then I had to get back home to bed.

What a lovely birthday treat for me!

Off to DC and Hotlanta!

2007-05-17T12:24:00.000-07:00

I just realized, a mere one hour before I need to depart for the airport, that I neglected to mention I am going to DC today and will be there through Sunday, May 27.

I should be able to update this, but I'm not sure how often.

I have a good friend graduating with her master's degree in conflict resolution on Saturday, and she's having a mega-party at my favorite DC watering hole, Dr. Dremo's on Friday night.

Then, my best couple friend in DC, Luis & Nichole, are having their annual Mexican (yep, I'm still on that theme) barbecue complete with Mexico City tacos, muchas Coronas y tequila, and a whole bunch of my other friends who I haven't seen in about a year.

And finally... I had an AirTran ticket I needed to use before June 21 that I had bought last summer to visit my dear, pregnant college friend KC in Atlanta. However, her water broke about one month before it was supposed to and about a week before my visit, which meant that I was persona non grata at the time I was to travel (of course). So now I have rescheduled my trip to see her (and almost one-year old baby Jack) next week in Atlanta. I'm really looking forward to catching up with her and finally seeing Atlanta and her new house too.

On that note -- I need to get out of here and finish packing.

Many Reasons Why Mexico Rocks

2007-05-16T17:09:00.000-07:00

Let me say for the record that aside from the land of the stars and stripes (America! Fuck Yeah!)...

Italy is my favorite country ever. Ever. Ever. Ever.

Really, what is there not to love about this?

I also love British people. And the beaches in Oman.

But Mexico is next on the list. Definitely in my top five. I really like Mexico. Me gusta mucho.

Aside from low riders, tacos, Mexican decorative knick knacks, mariachis and Norteno music, (to name just a few things I love) here's why Mexico is awesome...

School buses without toilets take you four hours up mountain roads...

... so you can worship at the feet of a giant Jesus statue.

Mean little mules hang out on the roadsides...

... and tempt idiot tourist women to try to pet them.

Their carnival games are the best...

... if you hit the target, a Mexican puppet accordion band plays.

The skeleton isn't scary...

... it's a national symbol. That's cool.

The archaeological ruins are really fascinating...

... and even include sacrificial sites!

Mexican weddings are the bomb...

... and so are Estudiantina singers at rehearsal dinners in central Mexico.

The taxis are pick-up trucks in the countryside...

... to give you a natural, wind-kissed look.

There are some pretty amazing cities...

... and some gorgeous views.

And you can also take photos like this...

... which I took from the deck of a private bungalow in Mazunte.

You can pay the equivalent of $5.00...

... to see wild sea turtles and dolphins in their natural environment.

You can also still see Gremlins driving around...

... which is a different type of endangered species. But just as valuable in my opinion.

Plus the kids are cute...

... cute cute cute!

You can chill out on a hammock all day long...

... looking out over the ocean from your patio.

And you can literally have drinks on the beach...

... and have I mentioned Mexico is the home of the margarita?

So... last Saturday, when my mom, brother, sister-in-law, and I went to Nogales, Mexico, I discovered yet another reason to love Mexico.

It goes without saying that Mexican food is amazing, and we had a wonderful, delicious, and heavenly lunch at this cave restaurant called La Roca that is built half into the cliff (which I highly recommend if heading down south... it's worth the drive just for lunch).

Here are a couple of pictures...

Really, it's nice. I'd go back just for this place.

Plus there was nice shopping in the plaza below the restaurant, as my sister-in-law discovered...

She's an interior designer so this was right up her alley.

My brother wasn't quite as enthused...

... but he was a pretty good sport for a guy.

However, it's not the lunch and shopping that I'm writing about... it's what happened after lunch and shopping.

To get to La Roca, we had to cross some train tracks from the border crossing area. And I mean, we literally crossed the tracks (no overpass or underpass).

I made some smart comment like, "Wouldn't it suck if a train came right now?"

And my brother said, "Well, it'll hit that wall at the border so I don't think it'll be going very far."

We all laughed at the dead-end tracks, felt relieved to know a train wouldn't be coming, and went on our way to the restaurant.

So when we'd finished lunch and were heading back to the main part of town (and the border crossing point), we were just a little bit surprised when we got to the tracks and found a very long freight train sitting on them.

Not moving. Just sitting. There was no way around it either because it was too long to find the end in either direction. There was no option but to go over or under it.

You see, this is the reason I love Mexico... it's chaos.

We watched as a group of elderly American snowbirds (with great effort) got up on one car and started shimmying across the back of it to get over the tracks. Another group of girls went under the cars (which seemed pretty dumb to me).

So it was... the only way back into town was to cross over the train. I went first, attempting to hold shopping bags and climb, but I moved as fast as possible...

I didn't really have any desire to be a stow away that afternoon.

Then my mom went, and the train started moving a little. She absolutely freaked out. I started yelling at her that she was en route to Guadalajara. I've never seen a woman over 60 years old move so quickly.

We finally all made it, but seriously, it just confirmed in my mind that Mexico is another world. A lively, colorful, non-safety conscious, adventurous, very cool world.

Viva Mexico!!!

PS - One final reason Mexico is great -- it's the home of the bobble-head dog. My brother bought this guy for me from a street vendor for $3.00...

His name is Taco. And he now resides on my car's dashboard. I love him too.

Who Would Send Me A Vienna Beef Tee?!?

2007-05-15T22:28:00.000-07:00

I received a most interesting gift yesterday.

I was sitting at home, wondering what to do next (finishing grad school is a little bit like what I imagine getting married is like... that is, you spend a year or more preparing for this major goal, and then it happens, and then you say, "OK, so this is it? Now what?") when my doorbell rang.

It was a FedEx delivery man.

He handed me a mid-sized box marked "Vienna Beef Store" with this logo:

I thought, "Hmmm, who is this from? Is the box reused?"

Looking over the box thoroughly I could find no signs of who sent it. It appeared to have been mailed from the Vienna Beef headquarters in Brunswick, Ohio. I don't know anyone who lives in Brunswick, Ohio.

With great curiosity and a certain amount of trepidation, I found a knife and cut open the box. For some reason, I kept thinking about this news story (ie: the girl who got sent her dog's severed head) to which my friend Ash once sent me a link.

Fortunately, however, I only discovered this inside...

A Chicago hot dog t-shirt!

I have one good friend who lives in Chicago, and I immediately began rummaging through the box to find any signs that she was the sender.

After a couple of seconds, I found the invoice and discovered that indeed, a Ms. Katrina M. was the purchaser.

Then I laughed out loud.

I think this says it all... it's Katrina and her husband Tony eating beef barbecue in Kansas City in 2005:

This picture makes them look a little like barbarians, but I assure you they are fully civilized.

I took that photo at Jack Stack's Kansas City Barbecue when Miguel and I stayed an evening with them two summers ago en route to AZ.

For a bit of background, Katrina and I were stationed in Texas together in 1996-97 in the Air Force, and she was my best friend there. The girl is wonderful. She's witty, smart, and best of all... FUN.

I have fond memories of slip-n-sliding at crazy parties with her after a few too many wine coolers, singing the country song "Strawberry Wine" with her in her little Honda Civic, having our tent washed away in New Mexico and then drying out our wet underwear on her car antenna, and... my favorite story... staying out all night once in Acuna, Mexico drinking Coronas at the Corona Club and Ma Crosby's -- and she drove our friends and me back several hours to San Angelo at about 4 am on a Saturday morning just in time to arrive to teach her Sunday School class.

Oh, and how can I forget that she was with me when I totalled my Jeep in a remote area of Big Bend National Park in 1997. As my friend Kris and I attempted to crank up my Jeep on a jack, Katrina wailed, "We're going to die out here!" I think I might have laughed out loud if I hadn't been so distressed about the fact that my front axel was broken in two. As it was, she hiked partway out, found a bunch of hunters with a load of corn in the truck (with whom we hitched a ride on top of the corn for about 25 miles back to the main road), and then had to ride back five hours to San Angelo spooning with our other friends in the back of another pick-up truck to make it home. I think we saw about 100 shooting stars that night.

Katrina = Random Fun. Katrina = Hot Dog T-Shirt.

Plus, she & Tony just moved back to her hometown of Chicago (in an apartment right near Wrigley Park!) and apparently she is eager to introduce me to another city's most famous meat product. The funny part is, I think she is one of the most health-conscious people I know.

Here we are back in Kansas two summers ago... (frankly, I think I look like an ugly nerd in this photo, but it's good of Katrina)...

Thanks, dude!

ps - I'm not sure when I plan to wear this fine garment. I'm thinking of how I can incorporate it with the "Boff" portrait t-shirt that I acquired a couple of months ago... "The Sausage Casement King meets Chicago's Finest Frank."

Last Saturday... The Big Day!

2007-05-14T13:45:00.000-07:00

I have a lot to catch up on, and I kind of don't even know where to start.

First -- I graduated.

So maybe I should cover that today.

Here's what happened Saturday...

In the morning my mom called me to say that my brother and his wife decided to bail on the actual graduation ceremony (my brother's superb reasoning: "We've traveled all the way from Denver without our kids, and we have barely seen Tucson. Do we really have to spend all day sitting in a dark auditorium listening to some speech by the 17th Surgeon General?" Sidenote: Our keynote speaker was not C. Everett Koop. Who knew anyone even came after him?)

Tell me this isn't the first person you imagine when hearing the words "Surgeon General":

Yeah, our speaker wasn't him. It was some other surgeon general no one's ever heard of.

Bottom line: My mom agreed that my brother and his wife should be allowed to enjoy themselves. I tried to convince her that I didn't necessarily need to go either. But I lost the argument. So it ended up just being my parents and me.

While my mom got ready at her hotel, my dad and I went to Bobo's for Tucson's best breakfast that morning...

Home of the best pancakes anywhere in the world.

And then my mom met us at my apartment around noon. We all headed out into the 102-degree heat for the actual ceremony.

My parents found seats in the auditorium while I was told to gather in a shady (but still 100-degreed) area outside the library with the other Masters students.

I'm not kidding when I tell you it was a motley crew. Looking around, I realized fully why "Revenge of the Nerds" was filmed at UA. Just look at these pictures if you don't believe me...

These white velcro sneakers...

...were on the feet of a very rotund man wearing silver rimmed "dad" glasses... you know, the kind that come halfway down older mens' cheeks and have the double silver bar over the nose. Like Jon Goodman's character in the "Big Lebowski," except they didn't have the cool factor of sunglasses..

Plus the guy was probably only 35.

And I loved this girl's hot red shoes...

Sorry, am I getting too "Mean Girls" for my own good?

Anyway, the ceremony was actually pretty fun, probably because I was sitting on the aisle next to all the undergrads, who threw tortillas frisbee-style throughout the entire event. So there was plenty to watch -- and defend yourself against... I almost got nailed with a tortilla in the head multiple times.

Here was my view into the crowd...

My camera didn't like the long-distance and darkness here.

And here's what it looked like down on the floor...

During the actual ceremony I got hooded and when it was over, we took some family photos outside (all of which are on my parents' cameras). And then we drove over to the Cushing Street Bar...

... where my brother & sister-in-law met up with us, and we proceeded to dine and drink -- "drink" being the operative word for me that evening.

The start of trouble...

Jordy, Ingrid and me. (Courtesy of nop.bot)

After dinner, we made our way to Hotel Congress, where my family left after a drink, and my friends joined up with me. During this time I made the acquaintance of numerous mojitos, Tom Collinses, and sauvignon blancs. And through them I met my hiccup reflex, the Brooklyn's pizza seller, and became reacquainted with something evil and yet sinfully satisfying called "karaoke." I have fuzzy recollections of Til Tuesday's "Voices Carry" and Pat Benatar's "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" -- which were actually sung as duets with the lovely Erin M.

And just for the record...

... I discovered to my chagrin that I sound absolutely nothing like Aimee Mann, even after 30 cocktails.

I ended up hitting the hay (ahem, "passing out") around 3:45.

All in all, it was a pretty spectacular day.*
_____________________________________
* Too bad I was hung over as hell for Mother's Day yesterday with my mom (trip to Bisbee & Tombstone), but I tried to keep my nausea to myself with as few complaints as possible. I was pretty happy I didn't puke in the car, actually.

Oh! Happy Day!

2007-05-12T00:01:00.000-07:00

We ended up going to Mexico, my dad arrived safely, and then we all met up for cocktails later at my brother's hotel.

More pictures in the coming days... but here's my family tonight at Hacienda del Sol:

It's been a great day!

Some Major Updates...

2007-05-11T12:28:00.000-07:00

First -- I'm waiting at home for my mom, sister-in-law and brother to come pick me up to go to Mexico.

My brother just called and said my mom rear-ended someone in her rental car on Campbell Ave.

Me: "You're kidding, right?"
T: "No, there's body parts all over the road."
Me: "Oh good, so you are kidding."
T: "There aren't body parts on the road, but I'm not kidding. We were following mom in our car, and she just totally drilled into the guy in front of her."
Me: "So is the rental car all fucked up?"
T: "I don't know. I'm getting out of the car right now to go see."

And this is all I know. Looks like perhaps we are not Mexico-bound after all.

Second -- My dad called and is en route to Phoenix, which is the only stand-by flight available. He's renting a car (yay!) and driving down from Phoenix later this afternoon.

Third -- I got the State Department job!

Elation has turned into concern, unfortunately, as I hope my mom and her car aren't jacked up. My brother didn't make it sound like a serious accident so it seems like she and the other driver are fine, but still... ugggghhhhh.

It's All Over...

2007-05-10T17:46:00.000-07:00

I took my last final today.

My mom is on her way over to my house to have a cocktail/glass of wine with me. My brother and his wife are having a romantic dinner-for-two at Hacienda del Sol. (And my dad is still MIA, hopefully on the road somewhere close to Colorado with his friend Hoo-Ha* en route back from New Orleans so he can get a flight tomorrow.)

I'm truly finished with school.

I kind of can't believe it.

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* Sidenote: Hoo-Ha is a grown man. I think that was his pilot nickname in the Air Force. My dad was Bart Star. I wonder if that's what Hoo-Ha calls my dad? Now that would be weird.

Upcoming Family Fun!

2007-05-09T19:01:00.000-07:00

I'm almost DONE! I only have one more (easy) final, and it's all over.

I can't believe it!

My Arabic test was as horrific as I imagined it might be. Although it was scheduled for two hours, it took me three full hours to finish it, and I didn't even recheck my answers. It was a total grammar nightmare. Now I know why Arabic ranks with Chinese as one of the world's hardest languages. Hellfire and brimstone, that's what it is.

Aside from that --- I am CRAZY busy. My mom, brother, and sister-in-law are arriving tomorrow, and my dad is showing up Friday. This should be an interesting logistics/social scenario seeing as: 1) they are all staying in different hotels (except my brother & his wife, of course); 2) my father is staying in BFE at the Airport Holiday Inn and is not renting a car and thinks I will be his chauffeur because he is the world's most frugal person; 3) my mother thinks my father is a douchebag; and 4) my brother thinks my father is a doofus.

Better yet, we all get to spend the day together on Saturday! Hopefully no one will end up with a fork in his or her eye.

Here is the line-up of the (un)usual suspects...

# 1:

Suspect: Mother
Location: The Hilton Hotel
Crimes: Overeagerness, Insistence on Attending Lame Graduation Ceremony

# 2:

Suspect: Father
Location: Holiday Inn Airport (AKA "the other side of the world without a car")
Crimes: Parsimony; General Tomfoolery and Disorganization

# 3 and # 4:

Suspects: Brother and Sister-In-Law
Location: Swanky Hacienda del Sol
Crimes: Occasional cantankerousness and bossiness from male subject. Laid-back wife balances these personality flaws.

Furthermore --- I am babysitting the next two days in the morning. My mother is coming to "babysit with me" at Little S's house on Friday, my brother & his wife are going to Mexico that same day and want us to meet them later in Nogales after we're done babysitting, and my father arrives at an unknown time on Friday (he is, of course, flying stand-by) and apparently will not have transportation from the airport. Oh, but wait, he's staying near the airport so perhaps he'll find a shuttle van. Well, let's hope so. And, I should mention, my father is in New Orleans at Jazzfest right now on a Vietnam War reunion trip with his (former) stoner friends so I have no way of getting in touch with him.

Do I sound a little stressed?!?!?

Anyway, whatevs... I'm almost done!

PS - Big thanks to my girl KO and her Biscuit-loving husband in Seattle...

They sent this to me... which I found in my mailbox yesterday...

This is what was inside the package... a little something from their recent trip to New Zealand...

Sorry it's blurry. I was in a hurry, but it's Australian lip gloss! It tastes like grape and looks very cute on!

And in a mini-Oscar speech, aside from my family (who I do love very much and am honestly happy they're all coming to help me celebrate), I just wanted to say thanks to all of my friends who have sent me great great care packages over the past two years. I love you guys!! (Special thanks to KC, JoJo, Steph, KO, PP, and MS, who've put the most time and effort into being there for me from afar.)

PPS - Not sure how often this will be updated in the coming days b/c I'm just a little busy.