Woke up late. Waited for Ingrid. Went downstairs. Met up with Pete. Waited for Krista and Ben. Sat around. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Finally found them.
Took photo on Fremont Street "The Vegas Experience" outside of Bunions...
... Oh wait, I mean "Binion's," where I won $66 the day before. (And really, it does seem appropriate that with my horrifically knobbly and bunionated feet, I was a winner at Binion's/Bunions).
We then found the $9.99 All You "Care To" Eat Paradise Buffet.
While Pete and Krista supped on cottage cheese, salad, and strawberries, Ingrid and I went crazy on the Mexican Pot Pie, Au Gratin Potatoes, Scrambled Eggs, Sausage and Bacon. I mean, if I want cottage cheese & salad, I can raid my own refrigerator... the Paradise Buffet (featuring a total of eight culinary stations, one of which was "The Pacific Rim") was something to overindulge and feast upon.
You will notice that I did not mention the Boff yet. This is because our dear friend Ben fell into a completely different category, never seen before even amongst the most enthusiastic of buffet hounds (judging by the looks he was given), better known as the All You "Can Creatively" Eat.
Allow me to show you a small sampling of Ben's (second or possibly third) platter...
This untouched pile of yellow and orange is what Ben described as "a homemade omelet." Despite the fact that there was a chef on the premises making custom-ordered omelets, Ben decided to do it his own way by taking a smattering of scrambled eggs, two greasy squares of colby cheese, a spoonful of salad bar bacon bits, and two tomato slices and piling them upon one another to form his "omelet." Appetizing, no?!?
And then he discovered the King Crab legs, which led to another debacle...
... especially with no crab claw mallet.
In order to crack open the pile of crab legs he had grabbed, Ben devised a system of hammering the shell with the end of his knife. Soon he was spraying crab meat all over the table, into our orange juices, and onto my arm and eyeglasses...
Look at the table. Just look at that!
This was his third plate of crab legs too. In the meantime, Ingrid and Krista escaped by going up to the room to pack their bags, Pete excused himself to take a dump (clearly the better option to watching Ben spray crab meat all over Vegas), and I -- faithful friend that I am -- got stuck alone watching Ben attack crab legs for another good 20 minutes. Indeed, it was quite the spectacle.
But alas, the party ended, and it was time to head home.
Ben couldn't fit all of his stuff into his suitcase because he was hauling so much of Ingrid's gear...
...so he had to carry his shoe.
Unfortunately we got assigned to "Seating Group C" at the airport before our Southwest flight back to Tucson. (FYI: Southwest does not give you an assigned seat... it's first come, first serve.) That meant that all the good seats would be snatched up by Groups A and B, and we'd probably each be stuck in center seats between strangers. Ben spotted a sweaty man weighing at least 300 pounds wearing a ragged tank top and immediately concluded that he would be his seat mate. I figured we would all suffer similar fates.
Not to mention, the A/C in the terminal was broken...
I was trying to show how hot the terminal was here, but all I have ended up conveying is that I am often a retard.
Luckily, however, the men standing next to us didn't think so... they were part of a group of about eight guys in their 40s who were flying back to Tucson from a "boys golf weekend" in Vegas. They had been drinking at the bar, when one of their friends (Bill) got a little tipsy. One of them got the bright idea to request a wheelchair for him... and a marvelous idea was born.
So here's Bill, the "handicapped passenger"...
He and his friends were all supposed to be in Group B.
HOWEVER... because he appeared "handicapped," he got to pre-board with one of his friends, and they saved seats for all of us.
This led to a series of hilarious conversations in the gate area, while we all waited to board:
1. Bill had to pee terribly but could not get up to go to the bathroom.
2. Bill wanted a "nurse" to care for him aboard the flight. I had to interview with him and I won the position (earning me a seat next to him on the flight and several free drink coupons).
3. When I asked his friend if he thought the gate agent was getting suspicious, his friend just looked at me and said, "Look, we're not rookies here. You don't fuck with the handicapped." (Good point, they could never accuse of him of faking being a cripple! The plan was fool-proof!)
4. When I was taking Bill's picture (above), his friends said, "Don't smile, you idiot... you're supposed to look dejected," at which point Bill stared at his knees for the rest of the time, which made me laugh even harder.
5. He was finally allowed to pre-board and got his first pick of seats, which sent a howl of laughter up from his other friends in the waiting area and about 10 other passengers who had caught on to the clever act.
6. Bill later informed me that he tried to grab an exit row, but due to his "disability," he was unable to meet the exit door requirements.
7. He bought me drinks and made me crack up the whole way back to Tucson. Meanwhile, Ingrid and Ben were several rows behind me with another of Bill's friends, who apparently was equally funny.
And that's it... a perfect ending to our Vegas weekend!
2 comments:
Thanks for putting up all these pictures! I had so much fun.
Thanks, Stirling! It was a lot of fun hanging out with you... let's do this again next year!
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