Fun with Photo Editing

I went to a party for my university department last night and drank too much, causing me to sleep in this morning, then loaf around most of the day, reading for class tomorrow while drinking copious amounts of coffee. Although our department events are generally lame, it was actually pretty fun last night (possibly due to my numerous glasses of wine?)...

Yesterday, I didn't do much of anything except household chores like laundry, cleaning, and grocery shopping. I also stopped for a couple of kitchen items at Ross, where I discovered half the population of Sonora, Mexico apparently loves to shop.

In addition, I spent a good portion of my day fooling around on my computer's photo editor. My department is selling notecards at a university street fair coming up soon, and they put out a call for photos we have taken during our Middle East travels. Unfortunately, almost all of my photos are non-digital and currently in storage on the East Coast, but I had scanned a few pictures I'd taken in Yemen into my computer a few years ago, and I also had a couple of good ones from Kuwait that I took last year with my digital camera.

Anyway, I had a good time playing around with the photo editor (making me wish, yet again, that I had gone into a more creative career field as I had originally planned... sigh... like architecture, interior design, or graphic art). But, alas, I guess then I wouldn't have been able to travel to these cool places...

YEMEN PICTURES

Decrepit truck parked on a street in old Sana'a...


Graffiti on a wall behind qat dealers...

(I can't read all of it, but one line says "against qat")

The old city of Sana'a...


Typical Yemeni truck...


On the outskirts of Sana'a, this is a historic place called Wadi Dahar...


Sign outside a local bookstore, called "The Tunis Library"...


A poor Yemeni woman selling bread & a type of lettuce...


KUWAIT PICTURES

City skyline from a Kuwaiti rooftop...


The Kuwait Towers...


And that's it for now. I'm going to work on photoshopping some of the "people" pictures I took and will share them later, but for now, I need to get cracking on my Arabic homework.

Ma'a Salaama!!

The Old Lady 'Do

Just a brief note to say that I just returned from a haircut. I go to Jim at Cost Cutters, which costs me exactly $12.95, not including tip. You might think this is a dangerous move on my part, and I would probably concur in any normal circumstance, but Jim is really an excellent stylist, referred to me by my economics professor last year, who had the cutest haircut.

Despite Jim's affordable coiffure talents, I really hate that he insists on blow-drying and curling my hair with a round brush after a cut. First of all, my hair is like two inches long all over right now and doesn't need to be blow dried. Secondly, I have very thick hair that responds aggressively to blow drying and brushing (think mushroom effect).

The end result is not pretty. In fact, right now I look exactly like freaking Estelle Getty on Golden Girls...


I think it's time to go get a beer...

Life in a College Apartment Complex

I have a sexaholic neighbor next door.

She's a blonde, rather generic-looking student who moved in over the summer and lives across the hall from me. Despite the fact that she lives in an exquisitely tiny studio apartment, her boyfriend appears to have moved in with her. This boyfriend has a full-bore mohawk (think London 1980), multiple piercings, lots of tattoos, and smokes occasionally in the hallway outside my apartment. He's actually fairly pleasant, making eye contact and saying hello, but for whatever reason, the two of them do not seem to want to close their blinds tightly at night, and try as I might not to look after parking my bike near their window, I always see various flesh-toned body parts lying entwined on her bed through the gaps in the window covering.


It's been making me feel a lot like Gladys Kravitz.

Making matters worse, I was working on my computer two nights ago when very vocal, female moans began drowning out the music I was playing.



Although my friend Shauna (who lives on the other side of this girl) had informed me that she could hear them through her wall on a nightly basis, I had never been bothered. Suddenly, I looked up from my monitor and turned down my music momentarily to confirm that I was -- yes, I was -- actually hearing orgasmic howling reverberating through our entire apartment complex's courtyard. I then went to my open window to stare into the dark and empty courtyard (filled only with the sounds of a woman's passion) to confirm that -- yes indeed -- they were making as much noise as I believed they might have been making.

Affirmative...

... it's not just my imagination.

So I immediately turned up my music...

... and pretended I was not privy to the porn scene going on next door.

After all, I was reading a thrilling on-line article about the economics of Middle Eastern satellite TV.

In other noisy news, the back door to my apartment complex, which is also next to my apartment, has a broken spring, causing the heavy metal door to slam at a maximum velocity of approximately 60 mph every time someone uses it to get to or from their car. I was literally shaken awake at 6:24am today when some disrepectful asshat in my complex let the door swing shut at full speed while en route to god knows where at that hour.

If I hadn't have been so tired, I would have run outside and screamed at the perpetrator...


Ahhh, my lovely college digs.

Lost -- In More Ways Than One

I'm pretty excited b/c tonight is the season premiere of Lost!

My two favorite misfit characters, Hurley & Locke...

At least these drawings are better than the Macgyver one. See more drawings here...

I've been trying to catch up on about six months of Spoiler Fix Lost entries (a website that gives you behind-the-scenes info on what to expect this season), in addition to actually doing some legitimate school reading this afternoon/evening.

I'm heading over to Jordy's for the Lost viewing (it's definitely a show in which more than one discerning eye is needed) and then going to Shauna's for the reunion episode of Project Runway, where the preview made it look as though Keith the Cheater is going to get angry at everyone, including Tim Gunn.

Between tonight's blog entry and yesterday's, I think you must all believe me to be a sad, soon-to-be-cellulite-ridden TV addict and blossoming couch potato. However, I assure you that yesterday's fall from grace (150 minutes of white trash TV) was most definitely an anomaly.


Gimme more Pringles, Ma!!!!!!

To be honest, after talking with my grad advisor today, I need to get my sh*t figured out (ie: deciding on a thesis topic, picking an advisory committee) and moreover, I need to start job hunting. Although the place that hired me this summer wants me to come back again for good next year, I'm uncertain I want to work there. It reminds me too much of the life I left behind to come back to grad school in the first place! However, I must say that I am not at all looking forward to typing up cover letters and going through all the crappy shennanigans it takes to get employment these days. Bah humbug!

Especially when I know this is my future...


Anyway, I have to run now... it's less than an hour till Lost, and I don't want to be late!

On Becoming White Trash...

I have an admission to make... I spent a full hour of my day today watching Maury Povich.

And it wasn't just Maury Povich... it was the "Top 10 DNA Results Episodes" special.

With stories like this...

... featuring the dumbest man alive.

The truth is, I initially intended to watch it only while making my lunch (Trader Joe's coconut curry wraps heated in my toaster oven with some steamed corn warmed in the microwave... I refuse to use my stove in any way, shape, or form), but then I kind of got sucked in. I know, it's terrible.

However, what's worse is that I also watched "Dancing With the Stars" tonight -- the entire 90 minutes -- and despite Mario Lopez's piping hot looks & performance...

... I actually voted for Jerry Springer using a 1-800 number on my cell phone.

I fear I am becoming white trash. Please help me.

Speaking of, this South Park clip is hilarrrrious...


Bye y'all.

Japanese Macaque Snow Monkeys

Miguel and I are both big fans of monkeys.

I'm not sure why I am, since I was nearly mauled by a pack of them in India several years ago. I was also attacked by an organ grinder monkey in Spain in 2000, when its owner put it on my shoulder inside a small convenience store because I thought it was cute, and then the thing started freaking out and pulling my hair and then climbed onto my head and started screeching at the top of its lungs. It took its owner about a full minute (translated into "felt like" time of about an hour) to remove it from my head, where it was clinging on for dear life as I was in a full-on state of sheer panic.

Despite this, I still think all simian creatures are fun to look at, even if they can be mean little buggers.

Anyway, talking on the phone with Miguel this evening, he told me I should do a Google search for "Japanese Macaque Snow Monkeys," which he read about recently in National Geographic. So I did. Then he asked me to look at the pictures of them playing in the thermal pools in northern Japan. So I did... and I must say they are honestly some of the cutest little characters I've seen in a while...

Here they are:








I found these images rather calming after reading about the Amish schoolhouse massacre today. I mean, WTF is going on? Amish people are getting attacked now?

As for other unsavory news, I must admit that I am loving the Foley-teen boy improper relationship scandal. Gawker is renaming the :) smiley face emoticon "the Foley." I love it!

On that note... off to bed now... sweet dreams!!!

General Weekend Tomfoolery

Hmmmpphhh... the weekend is over.

Although I didn't get to Seattle as I'd planned, I still had a pretty good time here in Tucson, as unbelievable as that sounds to my own ears.

I actually did quite a bit of research at the library on Friday afternoon, worked out for a while on the elliptical at the gym, and then had a tasty Mexican dinner and amusing conversation later in the evening with my friend Jordy (from my department) & his fiance, Katie, who just moved here from Michigan and has started working as an ICU nurse. Despite my personal aversion to all things medical, I do enjoy a hospital story or two, and she had a few interesting tales to tell... you know, drug addicts, organ transplants, and bedpan/vomit anecdotes.

Speaking of bedpans, check this website out... it's bedpan artwork!!

Here's my favorite creation:

With a note from le artiste:

While the artist must stress that he isn't actually calling for the assasination of Oprah Winfrey, considering the world's current condition and the loss of so many innocents, he wouldn't really lose any sleep if it happened.

The inscription on this bedpan reads:

"Although at first glance it seems as if Oprah Winfrey is quite the philanthropist, she promotes a lifestyle of constant and pointless suburban consumption, which when practiced by soccer moms en masse, leads to enormous gaps between the rich and poor, killing many. Oprah must die so that many more can live."

And if you've seen the South Park episode with Oprah's minge, you'd agree.

On Saturday, I actually rallied myself to start my homework early, finishing my Arabic assignments before 2pm and doing a bit of reading for my Quran class. In the late afternoon, I took a jog -- something I rarely do (even though I actually ran cross country in high school) because I started getting terrible shin splints about 10 years ago.

However, for whatever reason, a run sounded good... so I ran over to campus, where I had no idea a football game was starting in an hour. So I encountered about a bazillion fans (many of whom appeared to be rednecks) drinking beer out of campers, trailers, and tents on our main quad on campus...


This was the scene I ran smack into.

I also came across our marching band practicing in the area, leading me to discover that Jordy & Katie hadn't been kidding the night before, when they told me that our band is doing a "Radiohead" themed show. (May I remind you that, in comparison, my high school marching band did a "Miami Sound Machine" theme in 1988?) So I turned my MP3 player off and stood and watched the pre-game show for a bit. I must admit to being secretly impressed when the entire band stopped playing for a second and started singing "Karma Police" in unison...

Here's the real song for anyone interested (minus Jenn, who has publicly announced her derision for Radiohead -- all because of some lame ex-boyfriend)...

"This is what you get, this is what you get
This is what you get, when you mess with us"

He might have kooky eyes... but ahhh, the voice of Thom Yorke.

Anyway, on Saturday night I went to a birthday dinner party for a girl I went camping with last month, and then a bunch of us went dancing. I drank too much, fell asleep at three am, and awoke very parched.

Aside from swimming and doing a bit more homework, I spent most of my day today curled up in bed drinking coffee in my pajamas and reading "The Namesake" by Jhumpa Lahiri, which is a great book with wonderful characters...


It's so well written, I just can't put it down.

I also rented a bunch of old videos ("Jezebel" with Bette Davis, "Midnight Express," "The Chocolate War," and some Japanese film) from the school library this evening and plan to pop one in the VCR right about now.

Toodles.

Check out "Blogging Project Runway"

If you're a Project Runway fan like me, and you haven't heard of this website yet... Blogging Project Runway, I suggest you check it out ASAP!! It includes photos of the recent NY fashion week show and each designer's collections, plus loads more crap for extra time wasting.

I have a big Arabic test tomorrow, and I have already frittered away half my evening at "Beer & Burger night" (a beer & burger for only 5 piddly dollars!!) at Gentle Ben's Brewery near campus with Ingrid, Anna, Ben, and Ingrid's husband, Joe.

It took me an extra hour to sober up after my second beer --- so I'm out of time to write much of interest tonight, as studying prevails for once. Actually, consider yourself lucky, as absolutely nothing else happened to me today anyway.

Feta, Gruyere, Swimming, & Project Runway

My life has been rather boring lately, well except for last evening, when I went to Arabic speaking club, and my Iraqi dialect teacher was there and invited a couple of us back to his apartment for dinner. Over the course of a few (very long, slightly painful) hours, it was discovered that my teacher is a big fan of Michael Bolton.

He began belting one of Mr. Bolton's tunes out ("Did you hear the news today...?") until I politely asked him to cease and desist as he was on the verge of making everyone ill within listening range. I then had the unsavory task of telling him that Michael Bolton is considered a total wanker by US standards, although I do believe I used the word "cheesy," which of course, he did not understand, seeing as his English is not so good. Instead, I was bombarded with -- "cheesy? what is this 'cheesy' word? why do you say he is cheesy? what does this mean that a person is cheesy?"


Perhaps a visual is the best explanation.

Holy crap, how does one explain the concept of cheese to an Iraqi? I quickly surmised that it was simply impossible to explain. So he then switched gears and began singing a Bryan Adams song ("Everything I do, I do it for you..."), to which I simply shrugged and concluded that this is what Baghdadis must believe is popular and hip American pop music. No wonder we're getting bombed over there.

Also of note, today I timed myself swimming a mile (72 lengths = 36 laps), and I achieved my all-time fastest distance swim... completed in exactly 36.5 minutes! Therefore, I'm taking the day off tomorrow to relax and get a pedicure...

OK, so now to the important information... the semi-finale to "Project Runway"!!!

I'm sure this is boring if you don't watch the show (and why you wouldn't is unfathomable to me), but my two favorite designers, Michael and Laura, created the two worst dresses -- in my opinion -- tonight!! However, there was a "feel good" ending, and all four designers advanced to the Fashion Week finale.

First, the worst:

You know I love Laura, but this dress was sooo blaaaahhhhh. Yuck. The color was D-U-L-L, I hated the lace, the neckline was too wide & plunging, the dangling beads are getting old (sort of like Angela's rosettes), and it's just an overused theme from her. Plus, honestly, I'm just putting this out here... I think her model is really unattractive...

She reminds me of a less pretty version of that character "Susan" that was on Sesame Street in the 1970s.

Here she is with "Bob" --- I think she did have shorter hair at one time.

And BTW, does anyone think Bob bears an uncanny resemblance to Owen Wilson in this picture?

Anyway, Michael's dress also sucked. As you can see, even "Bravo" thought so, as their website is only displaying the thumbnail size version of his design!!!

If you could actually see it, you'd know that the "keyhole" front actually looked more like the back of the dress, it didn't fit well (very gappy around the boob area), and his verbal creativity was lacking when he described his dress as "sexy, sultry, and sensual," which sounds like a "match.com" advertisement minus the "soul mate," "I like taking long walks holding hands," and "cuddling in front of a fire" bits.

Now don't get me wrong, I think that hyena-like, tattoo-necked Jeffrey is as miserable and evil as the next person... so I was appalled that I actually liked his design (panned by the judges) in tonight's episode:

He's not much to look at, but I thought his dress was actually kind of cute. And definitely not his typical "Hot Topic" and "Wet Seal" kind of look. Maybe I was just relieved it didn't involve shredded vinyl or ripped denim for a change.

And, the biggest shock of the night... Uli, who won this episode.

I thought the neckline and front of this dress were great! I'm personally not crazy about the tye-dye thing because it reminds me of my college freshman year roommate who was obsessed with the Grateful Dead, but I do really like the cut of the design. And thank god it wasn't long and flowy with braiding, which is what she does every single week. I was really sure she was getting auf'd tonight so her win came as quite a shock. Let's just hope her Fashion Week collection isn't full of Miami Beach bohemian peasant dresses...

That's all for tonight... now I'm off to sleep. Ciao.

A Bit Bummed Out...

As I have already revealed that I have no life here and way too much time on my hands, I will go ahead and admit that I took one of these lame personality quizzes on the internet. This one was entitled, "Which British Band Are You?" And I was actually quite proud of my results, as this is, in my opinion, possibly the best British band out there right now...

Which British Band Are You?

Maybe this explains my occasionally odd musical tastes...

Other than this, little has happened to me today, at least in a positive way. I had two negative bits of news:

1. I got a B+ on my "Quranic Thought" paper that I turned in last week. This is not good. Especially since I haven't ever gotten anything but an A from this professor in the last two classes I've taken with him. I will admit, I wrote it in a hurry because my mother was coming to visit two weekends ago, but I didn't think it was in the "B" category. However, apparently it sucked. It's worth 15% of my grade so I still have hope, but now that means I have to kick ass on my final paper, which means I'd better start thinking about it soon. And that is not enjoyable. Shit.

2. Secondly, I found out today that my plans to visit Seattle this coming weekend have been stymied. My two best friends there are both married to airline pilots so I was going to fly on their discount passes, but alas, the flights have filled (and actually are overbooked coming back on Sunday evening) so I'm hosed. And disappointed... I guess more time will have to go by until I can finally meet Jojo & Mark's little guy.

Here's Carson... who I'm still waiting to meet...

Boooo hoooo...

And I will have to postpone more wine debauchery with J & K...

Siggghhhhh...

Anyway, that's all in my sad little world. Laters...

Admission of a Dull Life

I have some disappointing news: my potential swimming partner didn't join me last Friday.

Honestly I'm not sure why. She was in class on Friday, but she was dressed in thick black garments (sort of funeral-like, actually), and she didn't comment on the pool at all. Of course, I wasn't about to bring it up either (as I was secretly relieved that I wouldn't have to make small talk with her en route the rec center... let alone go through the awkwardness of the locker room) so the topic passed unspoken, and after class I ran out to my bike and escaped by myself to the pool, where I enjoyed a nice 30 minutes of non-embarrassing swimming and then a couple hours of laying blissfully under a palm tree reading a text book.

Perhaps she is planning to join me another day. Or maybe my facial expressions of shock and horror, which I really did try to hide last week, scared her away from seriously coming along with me.

This weekend has been full of absolutely nothing... watched a movie with Lindsey, her girlfriend Wafa, and our other friend Alana on Friday night ("Derailed" with Jennifer Aniston -- ridiculous plot and a waste of brain matter)... then ran errands on Saturday.

I've decided that my fat ass is spending way too much time in front of the computer -- so I went to Michael's Crafts and bought a glue gun. I figure if anything will inspire me to move away from the computer screen, it is the prospect of sitting on my fat ass making something crafty. So my new idea is to make magnets for people for Christmas (seeing as I am a poor starving student). Not just any old magnets, but cool, chic, crafty magnets with glue gunned crap all over them (glitter, pictures, paint)... and I also bought resin which you can use to fill things like bottle caps, and then it hardens, and you can "freeze" stuff inside of it. Anyway... just a warning to my friends -- you're getting crafts this year for X-Mas! You will like it... or else.

I also went grocery shopping and prowled around Target for a while. On Saturday evening, I downloaded a zillion Rick Wakeman songs for less than $10 from some Russian music website (and I have now been happily listening to 70s synthesizer for the past day and a half), and then I watched the French movie "L'Enfant" that I rented from Hollywood Video. It's the 2005 "Palme d'Or" winner at Cannes, and actually, I must say, it was very very good.

Today I read in bed all morning (Women in the Qur'an by Barbara Stowasser... actually not a bad read) to prepare for Quranic Thought class on Monday, made myself a hot cinnamon roll (no, KC, not from a can... but I was inspired by your e-mail to buy a pre-made one from the bakery section at the grocery store on Saturday!), and sipped on a nice steaming cup of coffee. However, as part of my effort to save $$, I bought Folger's coffee grounds at the store, and I have to be honest, it's absolutely god-bloody-awful. What was I thinking? It's so worth $2 more to get the good stuff. Bleeeccchhhh!

I also went to the pool today to swim laps, and there was a girl next to me who had no arms. She was a really good swimmer though (frog kicking and also a form of back stroke). I just kept wondering how she was going to get out of the pool. However, I left before she was finished swimming so the question will continue to loom in my mind.

On that note, I really am vowing to go to bed earlier and spend less time on this machine (I'm not even doing pictures tonight!!). So I shall go now. Goodnight!

Swimming Islamic Style

I think I'm in for a doozy this Friday (tomorrow/today depending on what day you're reading this).

It all started last Monday...

I have a habit of going to the gym every morning after my 9:30am Arabic class. Well, you may recall that there is a woman named "Melissa" in my graduate department... the Qur'an-thumper American convert who recently announced via Listserv e-mail that she would never attend student events at which alcohol would be present because this would mean an automatic ticket to hell. (click here if you haven't read about it yet)

Anyway, every day I walk into Arabic class, Melissa always comments on how "sporty" I look, as I am generally wearing my gym clothes. So on Monday, she asked what sort of exercise I do. I told her that I usually go to the pool to swim laps if the weather is good.

Suddenly, she got a gleam in her eye and said, "Oh! I've been wanting to lose 15 pounds, and I love to swim! And... " (here's where it gets interesting) "the Islamic bathing suit I ordered just arrived in the mail... so if it's OK, I'm going to join you!"

So I'm thinking... WTF is Islamic swimwear? Is there such a thing as an Islamic bathing suit? Afraid to seem frightened and/or overly curious, I non-chalantly asked, "Oh, so what does your bathing suit look like?" (crossing fingers and silently whispering to self... please don't let it be some big black cape-like garment) She responded that it had long sleeves and a "built-in hood." I immediately had thoughts of a wetsuit, so I asked her if it was similar. And she responded, "Oh, yes, very similar to a wetsuit!"

All right... I can deal with a wetsuit. But this (my Google search showed) is not any sort of freaking wetsuit!!! I kid you not... the maker of this garment calls it "the burqini"...

This is something the oompa loompas would wear in Willy Wonka's factory!



Lindsey wonders if the girl will sink with all the weight of the cloth. I wonder if she will roast alive in the 90 degree sun.

I'm also wondering if she will change into this garment(s) (as it appears to be made of multiple parts) in the locker room? In front of me? I suppose I should consciously avert my eyes if she shows skin? I wonder if I'll finally get to see her hair? Or will she change in one of the toilet stalls? Oh, the disconcerting mystery of it all!

I have invited Linds to come along (if for nothing else, curiosity's sake), but she has ditched me like a hot potato, leaving me to fly alone in the wind with this kooky woman...

Look for an update after the weekend!

Mr. Clean on "Dancing With the Stars"

Here's what I want to know: What in the hell is going on with Joey Lawrence?


Looking for all curly-topped, red-haired little girl orphans...

Yesterday, I was hosting "Arabic speaking club" here at U of A (with all of three attendees, none of whom is very good at Arabic), and my mother phoned me.... twice. To make sure I immediately turned on "Dancing With the Stars" upon my return home. She was loving it. All of it. Not one specific dancer -- although she seemed to momentarily revel in Emmit Smith's ballroom dance ability -- but she was rather enamoured with the whole show. I think she missed the last two seasons so it's a relatively new phenomena to her. In any case, I promised to watch it.

Now, I had seen a preview for the show recently on PerezHilton (junk tabloid website I'm addicted to) so I knew that Joey Lawrence, our favorite little bowl-cut 80s wonder from "Gimme A Break!" was going to be on the show...


I also knew that he now had a shaved head. But what I was not prepared for was his sheer and utter gayness. Holy crap. This man is married?


This is, like, the gayest man on the dancefloor. EVER.

Let's take a small trip down memory lane...

It all started out on "Gimme A Break!"...


Even in the 80s, I remember thinking he had dorky hair. However, I so love the sister's hair who is wearing the orange sweater... and my mom had a perm & glasses like the girl in plaid.

Then there was a big jobless gap while he struggled as a "tween."

And then... the career rejuvenating early 90s TV show, "Blossom," that annoying sitcom with the unattractive, big-nosed Mayim Biyalik (sp?) girl, who thought she was a fashion icon for young teenagers, but she really just looked pretty ridiculous all the time...


Anyway, I am proud to say I considered myself "too cool" for that show and never watched it, but somehow Joey Lawrence figured into the plot, and suddenly young women across America (who clearly were too young to remember his heinous bowlcut in the olden days) thought he was hot...

I'm pretty sure that irritating "Whooooaaa!" came from this show.

He was soon gracing the tasteful centerfolds of "Teen Beat" and "Bop!"...

He sure is no Corey Feldman, Sean Astin, or Corey Haim! Puhh-leaze.

He seems to have disappeared in the late-90s, resurfacing only occasionally to don the Kraftwerk techno sunglasses while attending debut events with his cling-on clone brothers...

"German style rocks it."

In the early 21st century, he had muted the Dieter look into a softer rose tint in a metal frame a la Tim Robbins...

However, I don't think he'd begun to pluck the brows yet.

This is what I deem "the hot phase"...

... he looks pretty good here actually. He has a good face, nice features, thick hair.

But a year or two later, while still attractive, I think he began to show signs of "overgrooming"...

The tinted locks and the very obviously waxed eyebrows are just too pretty. I'm getting a gaydar reading here.

It appears as though he slowly ventured into baldness...

... starting first with the Beckham short cut.

Although, no one can ever beat the real deal...

Without a doubt the world's hottest man. Except for my boyfriend, who reads this, that is.

Oh, sorry, I just got off track... yes, back to Joey...

And then suddenly, he just started looking waaaay gay...

Could it be the tan? The brows? The METALLIC SHIRT?

I mean, it's all so...

... DR. EVIL.

And this promo picture disturbs me.

Does the cocked brow signify his goal of world dominance? Dancing lust? Eyeing the photographer's package?

Or recreating the King & I? Yes! That's it! The King & I!!


Oh... wait, no. Perhaps it's Mr. Clean?...


Well, whatever the hell it is, it's not a good look, Joey! You look like a ridiculous gay Daddy Warbucks, and you're not even suffering from male pattern baldness.

And on that note, I am hitting the hay. I can think about Joey Lawrence and his grooming habits no more.