80s, Plump, and Pageants

Hello, here is my 7th grade class photo in 1986...

Don't you love that the upturned polo shirt has made a come-back?

I also thought the beaded barrette, only in use on one side, was pretty cool...

Now, fast-forward to 2006... I'm old and on a diet.

I made the mistake of jumping on the scale yesterday after working out in the gym, and my heart rather sunk. All of my efforts to get into shape in Arizona (bike riding, swimming, eating spinach salad) have evaporated into thin air (or rather, formulated on my thighs) since I've been home...

For one, sitting in a cubicle nine hours a day doesn't exactly help the waistline. Two, I've already discussed a weekend of Maryland fried foods and drinking with friends. And three, metabolism is a bitch over 30. Only a decade ago, I was able to eat Papa John's three nights a week, guzzle beer like it was going out of style, and lay around in the evenings after work. But oh ho ho, no more of that... oh no, the scale showed me what's really going on, and it's called b-l-u-b-b-e-r.

Aside from my new aim to chisel several pounds of fat off my body, I did indeed enjoy "Project Runway" last night...

Although I think pageants are Satan's gift to man, I have to give to gay little Kayne (the pageant gown designer from Oklahoma) cheers for bringing home the win. I thought his purple fabric was a bit gauche at first, but in the end, it really looked like a decent gown for an event as coquette-ish as Miss Universe:

The dress was much prettier on the runway than this picture shows...

Mainly because the model is doing some weird Daryl Hannah in "Splash" mermaid-like standing semi-backbend here... with a hint of a FUPA, which I highly doubt she has in real life.

And really, it was such a tie for the loser, although this dress didn't get its designer voted off:

It looks like something Amelia Bedelia would have worn to a formal dance... and the color reminds me of split pea soup. And what's up with the bizarro shoulder epaulets?

And finally, the real loser:

I call this one "turd floating in the toilet," for obvious reasons I think.

Must go to the gym now and work on cellulite-ridden legs. Ciao...