Wednesday, June 20, 2007

What's That Little Bump On My Chest?

I recently developed a strange little bump near my collar bone...

(Please gloss over the double chin action in this particular shot.)

Since I go to the pool a lot now and was a bit of a sun worshipper in my 20s, I was afraid I might have a cancerous growth.

After consulting the internet (my personal medical assistant), I diagnosed myself with some type of carcinoma that was malignant, but not likely to be deadly.

Then I called a real doctor.

I had my appointment today for a "total skin check-up" at the student health clinic, which meant that I had to don a hospital gown while a nurse practitioner (who apparently specializes in skin problems) proceeded to tell me that I have permanent skin damage to my chest and upper back due to past sun exposure. Oh, joy! However, she also told me that I am not at high risk for skin cancer because I am not a "moley" person (think Matt Damon skin), and I tan well.

When she got to my collar bone bump, she dismissed my cancer worries with a flick of her hand...

"Oh, that? That's not cancer. That's a wart."

Please allow me to re-enact the expression I believe I displayed at that moment:

"Say what?"

For about a tenth of a second, I actually thought a diagnosis of carcinoma might have been preferable.

I mean a wart is one of the grossest things I can imagine (and to prove my point, I dare you... dare you... to Google "wart" and then go to "images" -- and the first images to pop up will indeed indicate that warts are one of the most foul... yes, foul skin disfigurements, especially in certain areas of the body -- ahem -- which thankfully at least do not include the collar bone.)


And since I am on a webcam kick tonight, allow me to share what my face looked like when I made the horrible mistake of Googling "warts" under "images" this evening...


But back to the doctor's office now... so my next question was: "How do you get a wart on your chest?"

The nurse's response: "Don't even think about it."

OK, that didn't help me. That just made me think about it more. I couldn't let it go.

After she finished freezing it and giving me sun screen advice (ie: use it), I went back to the topic of: "How do you get a wart on your chest? Is it normal for people to get warts there? I've never heard of anyone with a wart there. Where could I have gotten this?"

Her response?: "Don't worry, it's not genital warts. It's just a standard wart."

No shit, Sherlock! Last time I looked, I didn't have any genitals on my shoulder. (And let's not picture this either, thanks.) But she still didn't answer my question... I mean, how do you get any kind of wart on your upper chest, for cripe's sake?

Bottom line: She had no answer except to say, "You can pick up a wart anywhere on any part of your skin."

So I have no answer.

Just a hideous wart on my collar bone (which hopefully will be gone in a week).

Caught from an unknown location and an unknown person.

And yes, I have officially grossed myself out.

21 comments:

Laura said...

Maybe its because you are so witchy!

Chickytava said...

Ouch! That hurt.

JC said...

Sorry about that. I didn't know it would cause a wart! I'll try to be more careful next time.

I've only gotten one wart in my life. It was on the bottom of my foot during my undergrad years. I blame it on using the same shower as people with questionable hygiene.

Glad it wasn't cancer!

nop.bot said...

i also had one on the bottom of my foot once 3 years ago! it was actually INSIDE the bottom of my foot. it was a nightmare using UA healthcare to kill it. literally 6 months of weekly sawing at it with a nail file, then burning at it with liquid N2. blister. heal. rinse. wash. repeat.

6 months.

Brandon said...

I had a few little ones on my foot when I was in high school that just eventually went away.

If you image search 'wart' there's actually a really sweet picture of a huge foot wart being removed. The page it links to has more fun stuff!

Just don't google 'venereal' or 'genital' warts. (Which means I hope you all will!)

Chickytava said...

I would like to express my deepest appreciation to all of you (not you though, Laura) who shared your horrific wart stories with me.

Misery does love company, and your kind words regarding your past wart experiences have lightened the gravity of my own situation.

I must admit that I too once had a planter's wart (ie: foot wart) when I lived in Turkey, and it took about 4 months to go away. That sucked.

So foot warts seem to be pretty normal... but still, what's up with the clavicle bone wart?

Laura said...

I'm sorry. I was just kidding. Everyone knows that witches get chin warts. So, still no clavicle explanation...but I bet it has something to do with the pool...

Brandon said...

Or perhaps you have a parasitic twin located near your collar bone and SHE'S (it's?) a witch!

patsyrose said...

I have one of those little buggers and couldn't figure out what it was but finally diagnosed myself the other day. It does look like a wart and I have a doctor's appointment on Friday.

As to how it got there, I'm a 66 year old widow lady who lives a pretty clean life so it's anybody's guess!

By the way, I love the way you write!

Anonymous said...

HI I went to Doc for the same thing! He said it looked like a wart!
He said he would biopsy it for me...okay I said How did I get a wart on my chest? He never gave me an answer. I felt like Heck how did I get a wart there? Hang in there!

Andrea said...

Good God. Having to deal with UA Student Health for anything is an miserable event in itself. I do not miss the U of A or its crappy Student Health. THough I do have a bump on my left clavicle, which is what led me here, and I dont think its a wart.....its kind of freaking me out because it is rather painful. But thanks for your story because it at least kept me entertained while I was searching my own "medical assistant"....

Anonymous said...

I'm a dude, same experience. Went to doctor with what I thought was suspicious mole. Nope, a wart. Fun, he found another one on my back. I do have "Matt Damon" skin, only much worse. That is heartbreaking enough. I don't know which is worse, my own DNA making look like a leper from within, or a virus making it worse from the outside. Sigh. At least all my limbs work and I still have most of my hair, I guess it could be worse (although it makes me shudder think how).

Anyway, your post was hilarious. Thanks for making feel a little less repulsive by putting a such a humorous spin on the subject.

Anonymous said...

Not a wart but something military doctors don't know what it is. I have a small (almost egg shaped) bump on my chest (dead smack in the middle). I'm alittle embarassed about it. I went to the (Army) doctors about it and they had no idea what it is. They told me "It looks like scar tissue". I never had any injury nor piercings on my chest. I had this (lump) for about 3 years (right arround the time I came home from Afghanastan) If anyone knows anything about this or has any advise please feel free to email me at splitz_usaf@hotmail.com

Anonymous said...

It is very interesting for me to read the blog. Thanx for it. I like such themes and everything connected to them. I would like to read a bit more soon.

viagra online said...

I would like to express my deepest appreciation to all of you (not you though, Laura) who shared your horrific wart stories with me.

Anonymous said...

Hello, between ages 12-17 (a long f-ing time) I had somewhere up to / over 20 warts on each hand at a time. Each month I would go get these warts frozen off, and each month they would grow back. Freezing 40 warts was not fun and would sometimes cause me to pass out from the pain. Every time I asked a doctor if there was a better way he replied with no, freezing them was the best solution. (I tried the wart remover bottle things)... a lot of them.... nothing worked. Then one day I went in to see the same doctor that has been freezing these warts causing a shit load of pain to find out that he was sick and could not come in... Luckily his wife was in and also worked at the same hospital. I asked her if there was another alternative to warts to which she sat there and gave it some actual thought. She stated that she could apply some strong acid (too many years ago and too long a word to be able to remember) All she did was dab a toothpick of all things into this acid and applied it to my warts. All it did was tingle a little and she sent me on my way. No freezing done today... (Thank god) After one application of this acid stuff it killed the heart of the warts somehow and every wart went away on my hands/fingers. Just in time for my senior year. If I can find a way to look at what she applied ill try to remember to post it here for you guys.

Anonymous said...

I have what I guess is a wart in the exact same spot. Weird. I too was worried it was something cancerous and couldn't understand how I could have a wart on my chest. It showed up while I was pregnant. The last time I was pregnant I got a wart on my chin, which I thought was a pimple and mistakenly squeezed. I say mistakenly because the wart erupted into a crazy sea anenome looking thing after I squeezed it. The doctor had it biopsied after removing it but it was fine. Maybe there is some kind of hormonal trigger?

Anonymous said...

I also got a bit warty during pregnancy first pregnancy one under my chin and I got my second wart which is also situated on my beloved chest (which may I add has halted me wearing any low cut tops) when my daughter was around nine months old so maybe hormonal changes in your body trigger them. When I told my mom her face was similar to yours in the first picture.... hilarious it was. Its a good job I don't take things to personally.

Anonymous said...

I googled "why did a wart pop out on my chest" and your blog popped up. Thanks! Glad To know that I am not the only one that has this problem. I can't see it so I've had several people look at it and they all had your same expression. I have been eating healthier and decided the wart is toxins leaving my body. Yep....goin with that.

Anonymous said...

All this wart talk...reminded me that I once had one on my index finger where my drum stick was held. Turns out it came from trimming a calous that was there that I trimmed
with a razor, caused a slight amount of bleeding and caused a virus be to get in and hence...voila...a virus decided to plant a wart there. Same thing happened. the with calouses on the bottom of my foot which resulted in planters warts which took forever to get rid of accompanied with lots of pain. Moral? Be careful how you deal with calouses!!

nikk said...

I have also got a bump on my chest at the very same spot I went to doctor and they said it was a wart but it does not look like a normal one it is flat and smooth is this a different type of wart can some one help xx