A Turk with Digestion Problems

There's a Turkish guy named Hikmet in my graduate department. He's very smart, taught English to university students in Turkey, and he's here on a Fulbright scholarship. He's also a modern guy and fairly attractive (or at least he used to be, until last week's conversation).

Last week, my friend Lindsey and I were studying for an exam when he approached us, clutching his stomach. One of us asked him how he was doing, and he said he had terrible diarrhea for a week. Hmm, interesting conversation starter. Lindsey just stared down at her papers while I tried to acknowledge my understanding of his dilemma by telling him (without a great amount of detail) that I once had a dicey situation at a carpet shop in Turkey and had to be rushed home in a taxi cab. Hikmet took this opening as a chance to tell me that while he was in class, he thought that "it was going to squirt out of my butt." (Think Ali G. as Borat here). At this point, I looked over at Lindsey, who looked like she wanted to disappear under the table. However, she offered that he should take Pepto-Bismol, and I suggested that he should try Immodium or Kaopectate, and he asked us to write these names down, as he had not heard of them before.

We did not hear about the issue again, until yesterday, when my neighbor Shauna walked home from class with him, and he told her all about his diarrhea problems and said it struck him again during class. Poor Shauna, desperate for a subject change, immediately moved on to more pleasant subjects, which apparently for Hikmet involved his girlfriend dumping him after she found his e-mail password and learned through his e-mails to other friends that he had no interest in marrying her. So, Hikmet has diarrhea and a broken heart. And we get to hear about it! Shauna has also noticed that Hikmet often uses the word "cock" in normal conversation, especially after a drink or two. We have all reached the conclusion that there is no English etiquette school in Turkey, and we're afraid of what we might learn about Hikmet next.

I am desperate for the weekend. Just to get a mini-break from school. I am so mad at myself for not dropping Egyptian Arabic when I had the chance. Ugggh. It is killing me. Otherwise, I have nothing interesting to add today. Oh, I watched the premiere of the 2nd season of "Lost" last night, and I have been geeking out on the Lost message boards all day. The coolest thing is Walt's backwards message. I might even be dorky enough to re-watch my videotape of the show to catch all the things that the "serious" chatroom people noticed that I did not.

Do you see what happens to you when your boyfriend is 2,500 miles away and you have no semblance of a life in grad school? Diarrhea stories and sad TV shows. Oh no!