Miming and "The Puff Factor"

I started writing this blog entry back in March, when Miguel was here visiting me over Spring Break. However, I never finished it because I got distracted -- go figure -- by my houseguest. However, I thought I'd finally finish it up and send it out...

Written on March 11, 2006:

Today, we went to Tubac to check out the artist's colony and shopping there. We also had to satisfy our geeky history interests by touring the Tubac Presidio, which was the first European settlement in Arizona. Of course, the highlight of our self-guided tour was meeting a clearly unbalanced tour guide, dressed in period costume, who talked to us for at least five minutes about her interest in acting as a mime. Apparently, when she's not re-enacting an 18th century Jesuit minister's wife, she's walking around Tubac with a black and white face pretending to pull on ropes and run into walls. Unfortunately, we were the only visitors in the Presidio at the time so we got a lot of one-on-one attention from her. Miguel pretty much ran out of the fort's gates once we extracted ourselves from her grasp.


Just about everybody hates a mime, except for this crazy lady.

Changing gears (imagine a mime turning the cog of a wheel, please)... Miguel and I were talking about Morrissey and the Smiths, and Miguel commented how much better Morrissey looked in the 1980s than now...

He asked me (and this is why I love this boy), "Have you ever noticed how certain men get puffy and bloated when they get older?"

I replied that I was, in fact, familiar with this bad side effect of aging. Of course, Val Kilmer is one of the most obvious suspects (as discussed in an earlier blog about 80s movie star hotties), but look at Morrissey's "before (on the left) and after (ummm, on the right)" pictures:


Something is going on here, and it's called "The Puff Factor."
(BTW, please ignore the "Myth is Morrissey" and "Pulp Fiction-mystery-glow-on-the-necklace" weirdness... I got it from a Japanese website)

Here are some other famous victims of "The Puff Factor" that Miguel and I thought of ---

John Travolta:

I never really thought JT was so cute, but now he's even less cute and
rather round and bulbous. He's so puffy his chin dimple is nearly gone.

Simon Le Bon:

Oh god, this is just so sad. H-O-T to N-O-T...

William Shatner:

Captain Kirk was definitely the hottie of the Starship Enterprise...
but now he reminds me of a pierogie-eating Russian peasant.
Dasvedanya, Captain Kirk.

Speaking of the Russian language, can you believe what happened
to that Ukrainian president last year who got poisoned by the KGB?

Now this is a serious case of chemical-induced puff. That poor man.

James Spader:

Sure he played a dickhead in all the 1980s movies... but I
secretly found him very sexy. But check out his big, puffy
bloated face in "Boston Legal" -- ironically acting with William
Shatner. Maybe it's something in the water on set?

Micky Rourke:

Quite the sexbomb in "9 1/2 Weeks" --- now he's so creepy I can
hardly stand it. Not only is he puffy, but he tried to mask "the puff
factor" with plastic surgery, which clearly did not help things.

Nick Nolte:

Nick Nolte always had that "dumb thug" look about him, but the
older, puffier face just exacerbates the homeless man lurking inside.

Harrison Ford:

Sweet Harrison, you were Indiana Jones and Han Solo, for
heaven's sakes! Now look at you... you're just skinny Calista
Flockhart's puffy boy toy. Sigh.

Elton John:

Oh my lord, Elton. Who are you now? You look like my old lesbian chorus
teacher, except she was more attractive.

Axl Rose:

This is just plain disturbing. Pretty boy to embalmed wax figure
in just a decade and a half...

Alec Baldwin:

Yet one more depressing case of buff to puff...

And saving the best for last ---

Corey Haim:

Pin-up idol of the '80s turns into has-been Stay-Puffman.

Truth be known, I think he's just gotten fat, as he's not old enough to get "The Puff Factor," but can you even believe that our sweet little Corey has gone downhill so fast? I guess this is the price we pay for living in the fast lane...

Until next time...

This mime says, "au revoir."