Worst Songs Ever!

Today, as I was preparing to work on one of the two final papers I still have to write (AKA procrastinating), I read a fun little article on CNN.com about what musical malady should be rated "the worst song ever." Being the rather negative person that I am, I much prefer this sort of contest to "the best song ever" --- I mean, it's really much more entertaining to deride a truly bad tune.

If you don't actually want to read the article, I'll just tell you that the author really hates the song, "Honey," by Bobby Goldsboro (I can't recall it, but it's from 1968).



He also mentions the following songs as contenders for "worst song ever" as voted for by the CNN.com staff (click on the song titles to see their equally rocking videos):

"Afternoon Delight" by Starland Vocal Band (sidenote: No way! I like that song!)

"Broken Wings" by Mr. Mister (yes, god awful)

"Heartbeat" by Don Johnson (so bad it's funny... especially the video)

"I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred (ummm, I embarrassingly owned the single cassette tape)

"Disco Duck" by Rick Dees (I met Rick Dees nephew in Tucson selling cellular phones)

"Just a Friend" by Biz Markie (if the song isn't the worst ever, the video should be...)

Also nominated:
Any song by Celine Dion --- I completely agree, however, I would like to specifically nominate one of my most hated songs ever sung by her... that god awful, sappy song from Titanic. I dislike that song almost as much as I disliked that wretched and ridiculous movie (especially the scene where the hand slides down the fogged up window... I nearly walked out of the theater at that point). I couldn't believe it won the Academy Award. Worst. Movie. Ever.


I believe this is the post-coital, and post-hand smear on the car window, cuddle.

Here were the ten worst songs according to "Blender" magazine:

1. "We Built This City" - Starship (1985)

2. "Achy Breaky Heart" - Billy Ray Cyrus (1992)

3. "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" - Wang Chung (1986)

4. "Rollin'" - Limpbizkit (2000)

5. "Ice Ice Baby" - Vanilla Ice (1990)

6. "Heart and Soul" - Huey Lewis & The News (1984)

7. "Don't Worry, Be Happy" - Bobby McFerrin (1988)

8. "Party All the Time" - Eddie Murphy (1985)

9. "American Life" - Madonna (2003)

10. "Ebony and Ivory" - Paul McCartney, Stevie Wonder (1982)

I agree with the votes for "We Built This City" (that song is in my top three most hated songs ever), "Achy Breaky Heart," "Everybody Have Fun Tonight," "Heart and Soul," "Don't Worry, Happy," and "Party All the Time," but the others don't bother me all that much...


Don't knock the Vanilla, man.

However... (drum roll, please), there are still a few unnamed bombs out there, and here they are (according to me, anyway):

1. "Sussudio" by Phil Collins. Oh my god, I loathe this beastly tune with serious gusto. It's definitely got to rank at the top of any bad song list. If it comes on my car radio accidentally, my hand moves like quick lightning to avoid hearing even one note of its repetitive hell. It sssuusssuuusuuucks.

2. "Land of Confusion" by Genesis. There's just something bad about Phil Collins. Also, this video is plain disturbing... and gross... what's up with the monkey in bed with the Reagans? And Phil Collins singing as a puppet? Thanks to Miguel for suggesting this one!

3. "Werewolves of London" by Warren Zevon. In my top-tier bad song group. I consider it pure evil -- enough said... (sorry, no video for this poopy song)

4. "Mandolin Rain" by Bruce Hornsby and the Range. Please note Bruce's rat tail.

5. "Right Here Waiting For You" by Richard Marx. American cheese, on top of cheddar, on top of Velveeta.

6. "How Can We Be Lovers" by Michael Bolton. I had to follow Richard Marx with this one.

7. "From A Distance" by Bette Midler. You really must watch this video of some woman named Sondra Prill covering this song... it's sooo bad, and yet sooo funny! Also read the poster's comments... I love it!

8. "The Wind Beneath My Wings" by Bette Midler. Since I'm on the corny song genre, I might as well keep going. I actually like some of Bette Midler's songs... OK, maybe it's just "The Rose"... but she really cheesed out in the late 80s and 90s.

9. "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley. Better yet, this video is a photo montage of that drippy American Idol runner-up Clay Aiken... I, along with the majority of voters, picked big boy Ruben Studdard over him, but Ruben's never been seen again. Of course, neither of these two has anything to do with Rick Astley, but whatever...

And that's it for tonight. I thought about going to ten songs, but then, why does everything have to be an even number or end in five? I'm happy with nine... number nine, number nine...

PS - Please feel free to leave your opinion of "worst song ever" in my comments section! However, you are not allowed to disagree with me. After all, this is my blog.